Fire Swamp

Well well well - just when I thought everybody was out of control just enough, enter MURDER HORNETS!  Cause cicadas weren't enough.  No, no.  That's too biblical, they said.  We need something a little more modern, a little more sexy.  Viola murder hornets.  Maybe landsharks and sharknados aren't such crazy concepts afterall.  There really isn't... Continue Reading →

Purple People Eater

The Purple People Eater is a song that was #1 on the Billboard pop charts for 6 days in 1958.  It's a song about a one-eyed one-horned, flying purple people eater who comes to Earth to join a rock band.  And that is my inspiration behind the purple hair.  I'm kidding.  Not about the purple hair... Continue Reading →

Maternal Me

What do you want?  Question of my life.  I want to live in a castle but like one with good insulation and a giant library full of first editions and velvet couches.  I want old maps that hold secrets of treasures unknown.  I want a lazy river moat full of mermaids and waterfalls and potions... Continue Reading →

The Rundown

I fell yesterday.  Like a sad middle-aged lady all alone walking without an umbrella in the rain, I went down.  Hard.  It was a banana peel kind of fall.  I imagine it all happened in cartoon fashion.  Most people would probably get up real quick and be all embarrassed.  Nope.  Not this girl.  I just... Continue Reading →

For Moms with Tiny Humans

"My son spit on me today."  This is a text message I received from my best friend followed by "I want to stab him in the face with a fork."  Meanwhile, I was reading a book on my couch wearing whitestrips and a charcoal peel-off mask.  Talk about a Freaky Friday dynamic.  I don't know... Continue Reading →

The Unofficial Superhero

Anytime any of my girlfriends have told me they are pregnant, there's always a split second of hesitance before my  reaction because two thoughts cross my mind.  The first one is OH MY GOODNESS, YOU'VE DECIDED TO MAKE A TINY HUMAN AND THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!!  The second one is HOLY S#%* YOU'RE SOMEBODY'S MOM... Continue Reading →

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