NonEssential

How are all those languages coming along?  Remember when a bat ruined my chances at ever seeing Hamilton or having sex?  Oh man...let's see...let me look at these tallies I've been making on my wall with lipstick I'll never wear again...it's day eleventy-five of this quarantine and so far my kitchen has flooded, I've murdered... Continue Reading →

Purple People Eater

The Purple People Eater is a song that was #1 on the Billboard pop charts for 6 days in 1958.  It's a song about a one-eyed one-horned, flying purple people eater who comes to Earth to join a rock band.  And that is my inspiration behind the purple hair.  I'm kidding.  Not about the purple hair... Continue Reading →

Maternal Me

What do you want?  Question of my life.  I want to live in a castle but like one with good insulation and a giant library full of first editions and velvet couches.  I want old maps that hold secrets of treasures unknown.  I want a lazy river moat full of mermaids and waterfalls and potions... Continue Reading →

For Moms with Tiny Humans

"My son spit on me today."  This is a text message I received from my best friend followed by "I want to stab him in the face with a fork."  Meanwhile, I was reading a book on my couch wearing whitestrips and a charcoal peel-off mask.  Talk about a Freaky Friday dynamic.  I don't know... Continue Reading →

The Unofficial Superhero

Anytime any of my girlfriends have told me they are pregnant, there's always a split second of hesitance before my  reaction because two thoughts cross my mind.  The first one is OH MY GOODNESS, YOU'VE DECIDED TO MAKE A TINY HUMAN AND THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!!  The second one is HOLY S#%* YOU'RE SOMEBODY'S MOM... Continue Reading →

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