i gotta feeva!

I have now been in bed for almost 4 days straight.  My immune system has officially failed me.  It’s either that or my body has been possessed by Zuul which I’m beginning to think is a very viable option.  Somebody call the Ghosbusters.  The men or the women, I don’t care.  Being a sick adult is one of the worst things about living alone…that and when you need your dress zipped.   There is nothing else like a fever to turn an independent professional thirty-something into an adult-sized whiny child.  Just another way your body reminds you that you’re not in charge.

Being sick after the age of 18 is such a double edged sword.  On one hand, it gives you an excuse to say no to adulting which is really all anyone can hope for anymore, but on the other you can’t even enjoy it.  You’re hot, then you’re cold (the only Katy Perry reference I’ll ever make), your skin and bones actually hurt and you feel like a bag of broken dreams.  It’s hard to enjoy anything when you feel like your head is about to pop off.  Long gone are the days of being doted on and getting your back rubbed until you fall asleep.  Now it’s like-what do you mean, you’re not coming into work?

So far, I’ve read two books ( S. & Endless Knight), listened to  three musicals (Dear Evan Hansen, American Idiot & Fun Home), watched all of the Tony performances I could find on YouTube, binge watched Schitt’$ Creek, Missing, & No Tomorrow, watched four movies (X-Men: Apocolypse, 50 Shades Darker, The Legend of Tarzan & Cocktail), read four scripts and have cleaned up my email account, phone, and iPad.  Not to mention the sleeping, writing, editing and pinteresting I’ve been doing all the while.  I’m a monster.

I’m BORED and I need get back on the streets.  What’s ridiculous is I’ll be crying about not having time to do what I’m doing now in a matter of days.  It’s hard to be happy doing something when that’s all you physically can do. Yes, humans enjoy the idea of choice…even when backed in a corner. (Sigh)  Can’t thou ever be satisfied?

It’s crazy how we take strength and health for granted.  The older I get, the more awe struck I become with the human body.  It’s magical.  Even breathing!  When my nose is stuffed, I sit there and think about all of the times it wasn’t and curse myself for not being more appreciative.  Trying to eat with a stuffy nose is a real slap in the face.  Good luck with that.  If you’ve ever broken a bone, you understand.  I crushed and fractured my wrist and was unable to button my pants or shave my right armpit without help (hence, the beginning of the epic downfall of my relationship at the time).  I never knew exactly how much shampoo I was putting on my head and forget about opening any tight jars.  Talk about feeling helpless!  But, at the same time, it gives great perspective.

Being sick keeps us humble.  It’s a reminder that we aren’t invincible and that every now and again we do need to be taken care of.  Once in awhile you’re gonna need help.  You’re gonna need a friend.  You’re gonna want someone to hold your hand.  Don’t be so overfilled with pride or narcissism or delusion that you don’t believe that’s true.  Be self-sufficient, yes, but not to the point you can’t admit when you need somebody.  If you think you’re enough to get through this battlefield solo, you’re an idiot…and you need to stop taking whatever drugs you’re on.

Thankfully I have people in my life who bring me things like medicine and coconut frozen yogurt and peanut butter.  You know who you are and I can’t thank you enough.  It is quite marvelous to feel loved!  I tend to agree with the Beatles…all you need is love.  It lifts us up where we belong and we could all use a boost every now and again…even you ❤️

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