Around the Bend

Honestly, how is it Thursday again? The Bengals already lost again? I can't even remember what I did yesterday. Who's on First? What happened to Monday and where are my pants? You ever wonder if you're really just an avatar and someone out there is severely disappointed in your performance? Are we the topics of... Continue Reading →

Better Days

Ahhh, yes, the time of year when everyone rages about Columbus and tells you if you don't vote a certain way, you don't love them while everyone else threatens to leave the country - it's the most wonderful time of the year! Since I'm not sure when I'll ever be able to use my passport... Continue Reading →

Sweet Sorrows

While all of you are prancing around pumpkin patches and indulging in apple cider being basic WITHOUT ME (rude), I'm dealing with some real shit over here. My beloved Lean Pockets have been discontinued and now life has no meaning. And for those of you thinking, 'you shouldn't be eating that crap anyway' - YOU... Continue Reading →

The Culling

What a week it has been, especially in the United States of WTF is going on America. My.God. Stand back Schitt's Creek, because this was BY FAR the best comedy of the year. For those of you who watched the (dramatic pause with a big long sigh)..."debate"...I really hope you were drinking. For those of... Continue Reading →

Not Yesterday

Well it's happened.  My emotions have boiled over.  I've finally reached the crying portion of quarantine.  I legit can't stop and I know I'm behind in this trend and a lot of you have been crying everyday since March but someone grab a life hammer and save me from this snowglobe of tears.  I typically... Continue Reading →

Revival

It's Sundurday Octember eleventy-five in the year of the 12th circle of hell. Please direct me to where I can submit my resignation. I've been on this ride for almost 10 months - I have vertigo, dejavu, symptoms of mild depression, characteristics of a sloth and what some might call an (insert air quotes here)... Continue Reading →

One Singular Sensation

I did this crazy thing the other day and found myself in the midst of a phone call because I made the extremely uncharacteristic choice of answering. Albeit, my phone deciding to ring at all was probably the most remarkable trait of the situation. My friend said, "I can't even write 2020 without wanting to... Continue Reading →

Awfully Amazing

Saw a man walking down the street in a mask he had crafted with a Crown Royal bag so I really think America is finally getting it together.  Then three seconds later a bee kamikazee-ed his way into my breakfast while a bird took a shit that landed inches away from my elbow.  10 minutes... Continue Reading →

O Positive

Nobody panic.  Not only did I accidentally send my favorite spoon through the garbage disposal and am I starting to look like Frankenstein's bride, but we've reached the multiple waterspout portion of the pandemic.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please pause and google immediately.  I'll wait... ...That's right, water is going up... Continue Reading →

Last Dance

Remember that one time I signed up for a HIIT class, totally forgot, was reminded a minute before it started and was for sure still in bed eating a sandwich?  Yes, you read that correctly and no, I don't need your judgement.  I only threw up in my mouth twice.  Then I laid on the... Continue Reading →

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