This week there are a few things that have been brought to my attention. Eggrolls have really gone to shit and Game of Thrones was a complete and total let down. Game of Thrones was the guy I thought I was going to marry until he stabbed me and left me for dead. Everything he ever said was a lie. Everyone needs to brace themselves. This is most definitely and absolutely about the finale of Game of Thrones. You have been warned. Consider this my form of closure since the show pretty much left me in a heap in the middle of a rainy street screaming WHY?!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!? I don’t care what your stance is on how any of it went down, I’m not here to sign some ding dong petition or make any death threats (it’s a FICTIONAL show with DRAGONS and ZOMBIES, calm down) but I have some things to say…and so I shall.
Of all the relationships I’ve had that have gone south, my love affair with Game of Thrones might be king. What in the actual fuck? I received more closure from the Casey Anthony trial. Dawson’s Creek gave me more closure. At least in Lost, all of the characters stayed true to themselves. Sesame Street has more consistent character arcs than the complete and total meltdown I just watched. Let’s take the everything we’ve built and everything that’s made sense and throw it in the garbage!! That prophecy scene from the first season (maybe even the first episode) about Cersei? WHO CARES?! Arya’s list? Whatever! Jon’s lineage? HAHAHA! No purpose!! Every single writer and grip on that show should be thrown into a pit of fire-breathing dragons. WHAT IN BLUE WHITE WALKING DRAGON BLAZES DID I JUST WATCH?! Jamie and Cersei?! Light all 8 seasons of scripts on fire and go sit in a corner until you die! From the looks of it, if they would have moved 10 feet to their left, they would have been just fine.
Bran the Broken?! I watched 10 years of this crap to watch King’s Landing turn into the town of ramps? I understand you want to break the wheel, but this breaks my GD heart. I love how Tyrion is about to be sentenced to death and then makes a speech about who has the best story (WHILE ARYA IS SITTING RIGHT THERE) and basically elects the new king, but not before Sansa is like ‘nah. I’m gonna rule my own land.’ Is that an option? Why doesn’t everyone rule their own land? Also, when you’re spending 15 million an episode, can you hire a continuity supervisor to KEEP THE GD modern day beverages OFF THE SET?! I understand mistakes happen, but it all seemed so lazy and careless. It slipped by too many people’s notice. There are people who would give up everything to be in their shoes, so it riles me up a bit to see a Starbucks cup in front of the mother of dragons. What is this? Amateur hour?
Jon deserves his own paragraph. Oh Jon. They abandoned their boy. The fact that after this entire charade, his lineage meant absolutely nothing is pull-out-my-hair infuriating. He could have been the child of Ghost and wildling #6 or Ramsey and Sansa – legit DOES NOT MATTER. This 7 season secret meant NOTHING. His sole purpose of the entire series was to get dragon glass, kill the breaker of chains and keep the future hand of the king alive? I will literally spit in every single bowl of soup I see until the day I die. He gets banished to the Night’s Watch for killing Dany by, wait for it, his own brother…who is KING and can do whatever he wants. Mind explosion. First of all, WHAT NIGHT’S WATCH?! Their whole function was to protect the north from the white walkers, who no longer exist so, and I’m just curious…what are they watching?!?!?!?! Now they’re just out traipsing in the woods picking berries?! Furthermore, I could have sworn the wall fell to the ground during their last encounter with the white walkers, so imagine my surprise when all of a sudden there it was again after a white-walker dragon burned it all down. Jon was the rightful heir and King – I get he doesn’t have to be the king, but HE should have been the one to choose Bran…THAT would have made sense. And sidenote, I’m really just curious how anyone knows how Daenerys died because last I checked, she was taken away in the claw of Drogon. Jon couldn’t shuffle some snow and ash to cover up the blood?
: Have you seen the Queen?
Jon: I killed her.
: You what?
Jon: I stabbed her to save the 7 kingdoms because I am the true heir to the throne.
: Where’s the body? What happened to the throne?
Jon: Drogon. Did you hear me? I’m a Targaryen. I’m the true heir.
: You seriously killed the Queen?
Jon: Yes. That’s not the point, my father-
: Prove it. Prove you killed the Queen.
Jon: Follow me.
A thousand karate chops to your tracheas. UGHHHHHHHHHH. Why didn’t Drogon fire breathe on Jon? And then he could have walked out of the flames, unscathed to display his true right to the throne. Now THAT would have been badass. Instead I got stuck watching a bunch of ding-a-lings listen to a campaign speech from a prisoner. The only intriguing part was seeing how the little “Make them fly” boy had grown up into a Disney prince. So wait for it, we finally see who takes the throne…and then everyone leaves. Like, cool, cool, cool. We out. And Brienne doesn’t go with Sansa?! She stays behind to write some boo-hoo story about the Kingslayer and sit at some shitty table of idiots to discuss brothels?!?!??! BROTHELS?! I can’t. Why couldn’t she have written at the end…Father of Sir Brienne’s child…or SOMETHING INTERESTING?! If there isn’t a spinoff called West of Westeros so help me god.
And all I really have to say in conclusion is this would never have happened with female writers/showrunners, expectation is the root of all heartache and Let’s Go Blues. I am tired. Mic drop.