Around the Bend

Honestly, how is it Thursday again? The Bengals already lost again? I can't even remember what I did yesterday. Who's on First? What happened to Monday and where are my pants? You ever wonder if you're really just an avatar and someone out there is severely disappointed in your performance? Are we the topics of... Continue Reading →

Sweet Sorrows

While all of you are prancing around pumpkin patches and indulging in apple cider being basic WITHOUT ME (rude), I'm dealing with some real shit over here. My beloved Lean Pockets have been discontinued and now life has no meaning. And for those of you thinking, 'you shouldn't be eating that crap anyway' - YOU... Continue Reading →

Not Yesterday

Well it's happened.  My emotions have boiled over.  I've finally reached the crying portion of quarantine.  I legit can't stop and I know I'm behind in this trend and a lot of you have been crying everyday since March but someone grab a life hammer and save me from this snowglobe of tears.  I typically... Continue Reading →

One Singular Sensation

I did this crazy thing the other day and found myself in the midst of a phone call because I made the extremely uncharacteristic choice of answering. Albeit, my phone deciding to ring at all was probably the most remarkable trait of the situation. My friend said, "I can't even write 2020 without wanting to... Continue Reading →

O Positive

Nobody panic.  Not only did I accidentally send my favorite spoon through the garbage disposal and am I starting to look like Frankenstein's bride, but we've reached the multiple waterspout portion of the pandemic.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please pause and google immediately.  I'll wait... ...That's right, water is going up... Continue Reading →

Comedy in Tragedy

I'm feeling a lot of ways lately - which is pretty status quo for me.  ALL the feels ALL the time.  I have come to appreciate and adore my space and isolation.  I will say I do miss a dance party but for the most part, I'm very ok with being quarantined.  Now come July... Continue Reading →

Fire Swamp

Well well well - just when I thought everybody was out of control just enough, enter MURDER HORNETS!  Cause cicadas weren't enough.  No, no.  That's too biblical, they said.  We need something a little more modern, a little more sexy.  Viola murder hornets.  Maybe landsharks and sharknados aren't such crazy concepts afterall.  There really isn't... Continue Reading →

too hot for quarantine

Happy 'wtf is it so hot?' Thursday.  Just over here making a list of exit strategies for zoom.  'My computer died' has run its course.  People are getting suspicious.  It's like running into someone in the grocery aisle and there's no conversation to be had, so your only option is to jump into a pile... Continue Reading →

Empty Chairs & Empty Tables

Aaaaaaaaaaand my belly-button is missing.  My life has become a never ending Oktoberfest.  What are standards?  Tell me all about them.  Sign me up for the Biggest Loser:  Quarantine Edition.  I had two boxes of Lean Pockets and a cherry coke for dinner the other night.  I had one friend who was giving me a... Continue Reading →

NonEssential

How are all those languages coming along?  Remember when a bat ruined my chances at ever seeing Hamilton or having sex?  Oh man...let's see...let me look at these tallies I've been making on my wall with lipstick I'll never wear again...it's day eleventy-five of this quarantine and so far my kitchen has flooded, I've murdered... Continue Reading →

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