Hot Body

I swear J-Lo is taunting me.  Take your 50 year old Goddess body and get out of my face.  You and She-Wolf are why men have insane expectations.  I didn't look like that when I was in my twenties.  I've never looked like that.  So thank you to Shakira and J-Lo for making me feel... Continue Reading →

Live to Love

Watching Chocolat while on Whole30 was probably a bad idea.  Also, what even was that movie and how was it nominated for an Oscar?  What I wouldn't do for a Caramello right now.  Mmmmm...nom nom nom.  I have been informed by a friend that I talk in my sleep and that even then, I'm sarcastic. ... Continue Reading →

The Price of Love

Remember the year Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt stole MLK day?  Oh my good lord, can everyone calm down?  They're not getting back together.  Ever.  Just like Obama isn't going to be president again.  The time has passed.  Move on.  Are we all forgetting that Brad cheated on Jen with Angelina I-wore-Billy-Bob-Thornton's-blood-in-a-vial-around-my-neck Jolie and then... Continue Reading →

New Decade, Still Me

Coming to you live from 2020!  It's been a minute and I will explain everything.  This would have been posted earlier today but someone was learning how to use a drill all by herself.  I now have a train station-esque clock set to a permanent 5 o'clock which is ironic as I'm on day 3... Continue Reading →

Absurdist

Question of the week:  What is sleep? Tell me all about it so I can live vicariously through you.  My brain is an energizer bunny.  I'll lie there for hours, trying to will myself to sleep, and she just won't quit.  Right when I think I'm finally dozing off, I begin wondering things like -... Continue Reading →

TIN YEARS

Ladies, gentleman, toddlers and peasants - it is with great pleasure I share with you that today is my 10 year anniversary in LA.  One long and tumultuous decade ago I consumed way too much vodka, said goodbye to a city I love very much and boarded my one-way flight to LAX.  No place to live. ... Continue Reading →

Champagne Supernova

As I have a tendency to do from time to time, I went down a rabbit hole the other day.  I am Alice in Wonderland's third cousin, once removed, for sure.  This time it was watching movie trailers on youtube.  I mean, I really went for it.  All the way down I went.  I texted... Continue Reading →

Ms. DOUBTfire

I discovered this week that my trust issues reach as far as the sea.  Literally.  If you've never seen a woman pee in utter fear, go boating in the ocean with me.  I honestly had no idea how afraid of the ocean I was until that moment.  I was certain a shark was going to... Continue Reading →

The Curve

I have officially fallen into the dark hole that is Project Runway.  I have never been one particularly inclined towards fashion.  My go-to shoe is a flip flop and I wear black jeans 360 days of the year.  The other 5, you're lucky if I put pants on at all.  I'm not known for being... Continue Reading →

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