Happy Endings


…you’ve been warned and also I fart in your general direction.


I’ve got two more weeks to talk about Game of Thrones and so I shall.  My only hope at this point will be that there’s a Fanta on the table this week.  What is even happening anymore?  I have a very suspicious feeling that I’m going to have a reaction similar to how I felt at the end of Lost again and it’s bringing on some serious PTSD.  I did not watch this show for 10 years to see Jamie have some stupid duel with Pacey the Pirate who I give ZERO FUCKS (sorry ma) about – and let’s just forget the last 5 seasons in which Jamie has redeemed himself to be a better man, just scratch all that – to then go and die with Cersei – who has killed ALL OF THEIR CHILDREN – as the city crumbled on top of them.  What?!  That’s like when Bin Laden just got “put out to sea”.  What do you mean we put him out to sea?!  After all this time, we decided to respect the wishes of his religion and send him out proper?  Okay.  (sarcastic thumbs up)  That seems correct.  I get that this show isn’t for me and it’s not about what I want but Hitler died in a burning pile of petrol because that is what he deserved.  I just like to see karma in motion.  Arya’s entire arc was spent on her getting revenge and becoming “no one” and all of a sudden she’s like – just kidding?  Jon Snow is being a teeny weeny, Bran is like some old grandma with dementia who speaks in fables and nursery rhymes and Dany loses her shit on millions of innocents because she wouldn’t be voted student body president of Winterfell?  Boo-hoo.  There are literally a billion dudes out there who AREN’T YOUR NEPHEW – go bang one of them.  And, for the love of all things that make me smile, WHERE IS NYMERIA?!  I know I’m bound for disappointment but I WANT JUSTICE!  I want my happy ending.  I always will.

I was talking to a friend and she says all casually, “I’m still waiting to watch the last episode so I can watch it with my boyfriend.  We always watch together.”  Of course I stand there staring at her.  Total blank face.  You what?  So, obviously it’s been a minute since I’ve been in a committed relationship but if that’s what’s required to be with someone these days, stay away from me.  That’s a hard line for me.  You wanna grab a drink?  Sure, but I’m never going to wait to watch Game of Thrones for you.  I’ve been single for so long I forget ever having to do that.  Thinking back on it, if I remember correctly, I would watch without him and then pretend I had never seen it.  It’s like, if you love me-if you  REALLY love me, you’re not going to make me wait because your life is dumb.  I understand this is what being in a relationship is – compromise and making sacrifices – so maybe that’s when I’ll know I’ve found love.  I would wait to watch GOT for you.  He’d be one hell of a guy, I’ll tell you that.

Honestly, the last month in my life, I have never been so relieved not to be in a relationship in my whole life.  I don’t have the time of day to give to anyone.  My own mother called me the other day and I answered by asking who died and when she said no one I said, “Ok I’m going back to bed.  Ta-ta.”  That’s the kind of time I have these days.  It’s called none.  I don’t know what time is or how it works anymore.  I started writing the other morning, saying I would be done by noon.  The next thing I know, the sun is going down and I’m still in my pajamas typing away.  Truly.  I don’t have time for myself.  I worked and stressed myself into a 5 day fever like a total garbage human.  A guy I work with was like, “I’ve never seen you look so worn down.”  Which is the most polite way of saying – YIKES!  Even my own body was like, nah girl.  It was awful.  My insides got together and were like, ‘Listen, we gotta shut this down, she’s gone rogue’ like some kind of biological intervention to keep me off the streets.  The struggle was very real.  I still want a happy ending, you know I do, but I fear I have a bunch more chapters before all that.  And that’s okay.  I need the chapters.

We all strive for that happy ending.   That end game we imagined in our heads once upon a time.  Expectation is the root of all heartache – one of my most favorite quotes because it’s so very true.  The only reason we are ever disappointed is because we imagined it differently.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  We should all get to dream a life for ourselves that’s out of this world and epic and fills our hearts with content.  As an artist, a creative and a dreamer – I would never give up my imagination to protect my heart from the fall.  Heartache happens because you dreamed or deserved bigger.  My dreams shouldn’t have to be smaller because you don’t think in all caps.  I shouldn’t have to downsize my ideas because you’re small minded.  We have to find and surround ourselves with those that dream the same way we do.  Not everyone’s idea of a happy ending is the same, nor should it be.  You’ll get your happy ending…or it’s not the end.

Neighbor Update:  they held a rave in their studio apartment on a Tuesday night which was super fun for the old lady I’ve become.  I am so baffled at this point as to what goes on up there.  I don’t know if they’re just constantly unsatisfied with the layout of their rental and keep rearranging furniture on the hour…maybe it’s a brothel, which would explain all the sex…just now it sounded like they dumped a box of lincoln logs on the floor.  I will Perry Mason this shit to the ground.  I would love to know what goes on up there.  I’ll tell you this – they recently purchased a vacuum they LOVE and only use between the hours of 3 and 6 am.


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