Quandaries

Day 11 of Whole30 and what I wouldn't give to smash my face into a magnum bottle of malbec right now.  Or a merlot soaked gouda.  Or a cupcake.  Or a candy apple covered in fruity pebbles.  Is it candy or candied?  Who cares.  My mouth is legit watering.  The amount of times I've murmured... Continue Reading →

SHIFTing

2020 has to be, at the very least, sponsored by people who'll put a box of Cheez-Its back in the pantry with a single cracker left inside and co-written by George R.R. Martin.  And if the ending is anything like the GOT series finale, lord help us all.  This past week, I was full on... Continue Reading →

Pursuit of Happyness

Do you feel like life is passing you by?  Do you find that there's not enough time in a day?  Are you having difficulty making space for yourself?  Try doing a plank for two minutes.  TIME HAS NEVER MOVED SO SLOW.  Hands down, the worst 120 seconds of your life.  Everything is about perspective, is... Continue Reading →

too hot for quarantine

Happy 'wtf is it so hot?' Thursday.  Just over here making a list of exit strategies for zoom.  'My computer died' has run its course.  People are getting suspicious.  It's like running into someone in the grocery aisle and there's no conversation to be had, so your only option is to jump into a pile... Continue Reading →

NonEssential

How are all those languages coming along?  Remember when a bat ruined my chances at ever seeing Hamilton or having sex?  Oh man...let's see...let me look at these tallies I've been making on my wall with lipstick I'll never wear again...it's day eleventy-five of this quarantine and so far my kitchen has flooded, I've murdered... Continue Reading →

Hot Body

I swear J-Lo is taunting me.  Take your 50 year old Goddess body and get out of my face.  You and She-Wolf are why men have insane expectations.  I didn't look like that when I was in my twenties.  I've never looked like that.  So thank you to Shakira and J-Lo for making me feel... Continue Reading →

The Curve

I have officially fallen into the dark hole that is Project Runway.  I have never been one particularly inclined towards fashion.  My go-to shoe is a flip flop and I wear black jeans 360 days of the year.  The other 5, you're lucky if I put pants on at all.  I'm not known for being... Continue Reading →

Soaring

It's important to know that life isn't always on your side.  There's some definite roughage.  We've all been there.  It's just how it all works - ebbs and flows.  I'm not a genius or anything by any scholastic standard but I think if we had each other's backs more often, it might - hell, I... Continue Reading →

Confetti Heart

A very non-conversation heart Valentine's Day to you and yours.  Or maybe it's just you and that's totally fine.  If you haven't heard, there will be no sweethearts this holiday for the first time since the early 1900s - which I find confusing on a multitude of levels.  Like, not only that they are still... Continue Reading →

Beautiful Mind

My phone is currently out of order because hiking in thunderstorms has become my new hobby.   Whoops.  So if you've been trying to reach me, my phone is in a bowl of rice until further notice.  Just add that to my bag of crazy.  I should probably be more concerned but I just don't care. ... Continue Reading →

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