it takes a village

For the amount of times I use the phrase ‘I can’t wait to tell my grandkids’, you’d think I’d have several children. Alas, I don’t even have a date lined up. And I waver between being the most okay with it and utterly bored about it. At this point, if he shows up I’m just going to be like, ‘You’re late and I’m tired. Try again later!’ (said like in the game Mall Madness and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, go back to your tik toks)   My Uber driver said he was almost finished for the night so I asked him if he was excited and his response was “No. I’m married.” I feel like there’s this whole trend of being disgruntled in marriage…maybe in general. Is anyone happy anymore? Would it be a crime to be happy and to actually love your life and, I don’t know, be attracted and in love with your wife/husband/lover/partner/human of choice!? Is it that hard of an ask?? I don’t think it’s monogamy that’s such a problem as much as it is monotony. And I have a solution. I read about a couple who doesn’t have a designated side of the bed and this might be the most fascinating concept I’ve ever heard. I think it’s great. Every night is like an obstacle course to the finish. The grand finale of the day. Nothing is certain. Who’s gonna sleep where?! We don’t know! Who’s drawer is that?! NO ONE CARES! Mix it up people! You’re welcome.

I don’t know if other states are like this but California is REALLY pushing this REAL ID and it’s like – I have a passport, leave me alone. Also, since when did state IDs become a NATIONAL concern? All of a sudden we all need to be on the same page? Since when? Oh, because you all decided we need new things so you get a bonus payday? Do the math. Now it’s crystal. I’m not looking for a reason to go to the DMV. I’m looking for reasons to avoid the DMV. Much like I do in order to NOT to talk to someone on the phone. I’ve also realized I don’t like doing dishes. I’m the type of person that will hold a plate under burning hot water for as long as it takes as opposed to picking up a sponge and expediting the process. I don’t know what that says about me but I feel like it’s probably not good. I’ve never really been a fan of manual labor unless there’s a prize at the end of it. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I REALLY don’t understand people who just throw dirty plates into a dishwasher without even a rinse when there’s spaghetti still dangling off the plate. What do you think goes on inside that thing when you close it? Is it your understanding that there’s a tiny village of gnomes living inside that come to life in the darkness with the sole purpose of cleaning your unfinished dinner? Where do you think it all goes? Honestly, where does it go? I was dating a guy and he had a small kitchen so he would always cook and I was left to do the dishes because that’s how it works in case you don’t know. I was intentionally so bad at the dishes that he eventually asked me to stop doing them and THAT, my friends, is called strategy. I haven’t had a dishwasher in over a decade…or a bedroom…(thumbs up)

I was leaving a restaurant the other night and my phone buzzed asking me if I would like to rate my experience.  Let me also state that I rarely IF EVER post where exactly I am. I think it’s weird. Even if I’m in an Uber going to the airport I make sure to point out it’s just a day trip or that my boyfriend had to stay home with the dog. Am I the only one who does this? My sister once showed me on her phone how she can see where all of her friends are whenever she wants. I don’t like that. That stresses me out. I am sure I could analyze exactly why this plagues me and how I’m not an assassin or a chronic bank robber and it shouldn’t really matter where I am because I have nothing to hide – but I prefer to keep some sort of secrecy to my life. Can I have that? Even if you’ve read every single post I’ve ever written, you still don’t know me and what’s really going on in my life. You have the highlights, the things I’ve found amusing, the parts I’m willing to share but this isn’t me in my entirety. Not everyone gets a ticket to that show and honestly, I’m not sure a single person has ever seen the whole show. Does anyone even know me? I have a friend right now (you know who you are) who is probably laughing hysterically because I asked this question one day out of the blue with no context. I was like ‘What if I’m really in the CIA and this isn’t even who I am?’. Without a second of hesitation, they were like ‘Wouldn’t surprise me’. Some people get me.

I find human beings so fascinating.  How someone walks,  what makes them smile.  Even in the grocery line, I’ll see what other people are getting because it tells a story of some kind.  Also, I’m nosy.  There are so many people in this universe.  How in the world I’ve managed to find my friends in the sea of it all is amazing.  How I have found love in the midst of all the beating hearts blows my mind.  It’s so easy to feel insignificant anymore.  In a society where how many likes seem to dictate your status and friends aren’t people you text on the daily but a number on a website, it would seem that anything real and honest has diminished. So after much debate, I’ve decided I’d like to start a little village. A village where everything is what it says it is and people say what they actually mean…even if it’s mean.  See what I did there?  No false labeling, no vengeful hearts, no warring families.  Love rules, liars burn and good hearts rise. Who’s coming with me? Location TBD. Applications coming soon.

I’ve been rewatching Game of Thrones which is quite the adventure. There really isn’t a more satisfying  death in television than Joffrey’s. If possible, I forgot how awful he was. I talk a lot about how I don’t belong in this century, which I truly feel with every stitch in my soul. Kids not learning cursive truly breaks this old woman’s heart. And I realize there’s no purpose anymore but I think that’s what shatters me the most. I have a whole drawer of letters I’ve gotten over the years – some I probably should have burned long ago but sometimes I think it’s good to remember that just because it ended badly doesn’t mean it was all bad. So I became very intrigued about how sending letters via birds started. I just am imagining someone about to hand a scroll to a man on a horse and then being like – you know what? I have this idea. Write that on a smaller scroll and let’s tie it to this bird’s leg and then we can whisper in it’s ear where to go. And everyone just shrugged and thought it was a good idea? I mean – I have questions. First of all – what bird have you ever been around that’s like, yes, come tie garbage to my leg. And then believing that this bird is actually going to go where you tell it to?? Based on what? What planet is this? Is there an aerial training camp for these birds? And then the time you’d have to wait to know if it actually worked – well, the bird left a fortnight ago, so we’ll give it another fortnight and see what happens. That’s a month of correspondence. I mean, expediency must not have been a concern for really anything.  But I wonder if that’s only because I’m so impatient now because this world is obsessed with immediate gratification. Our attention spans are shorter. I tried watching a 90s show again – remember those intros where every character would be doing something dumb and then turn and look at the camera like oh, hi! And I was like – how did we sit through this every single episode?? Now it’s like 4 beats of music and a show title and wham, bam, thank you ma’am. But back to birds, even if it does make it to the right location, which is INSANE, how do they know specifically who it’s for? Were they shown a sketch before taking flight? The whole concept relies on a lot of ifs…not to mention it’s a FUCKING BIRD so I’m a bit baffled by the whole idea.  Do you know how long it would take me just to catch a bird? Any bird I’ve seen would bring that back to their bird family and then they’d circle around it and take turns pecking it to its death. I trust no bird.   

I hope you’re somewhere safe. I hope you are surrounded by love and people who support intellectual diversity. I hope that you’re keeping up with the Ghislaine Maxwell trial. (funny, I typed her name and it’s not recognized – shocking)  I hope karma wins in the end. I hope when you see someone having a heart attack you call 911 (if you know, you know). I hope you’re healthy. I hope you’re happy. I hope we can all come to the realization that not everything lives forever, nor should it. I hope we can appreciate things for what they were and be at peace with how they are. I hope people stop eating McDonald’s – it’s gross. I hope you are grateful. I hope you still have hope. GO BLUE! Xx

 

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