Love & Happy-ness

Still not really sure how it's July or 2021 or Thursday or anything anymore. I need a time machine and a basket of champagne. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I know celebrating America can be divisive but I like to think of it as a celebration of our rebellion against the authority, splitting... Continue Reading →

LFG

I got my apps all downloaded. I got my devices amped and ready. I've been following the torch. Bring on the Olympics. I'll be living on Tokyo time and it looks like I won't be sleeping for 14 days. Totally worth it. Can't wait. I told my brother's fiancé she's lucky her shower doesn't overlap... Continue Reading →

I’ll Scream

If you haven't posted a picture with #vaccinated in the caption, are you even real? Meanwhile, I've learned that I've been putting trash bags on wrong my entire life. Apparently you're supposed to wrap the top around the bin and then push down which means mine have been inside out since forever. Google it. But... Continue Reading →

Too Much

A year into this thing and it's starting to feel like that one roadtrip to Florida when we were "almost there" for what felt like a quarter of my life. Don't worry, by June we'll be in the -insert whatever color you want here- tier. OH WILL WE MARGO?! Don't you dare get my hopes... Continue Reading →

Greek•ish

Happy post Scorpio conception day! At least everyone knows where they stand in their relationships now. And if you're trying to figure out an LA relationship - GOOD LUCK! - she yells through a megaphone with a very sarcastic thumbs up. I was at the grocery over the weekend feeling attacked by the Cupid inspired... Continue Reading →

to Be or not to Be

Just sitting here writing to the hum of multiple helicopters in the air above my apartment looking for two men at large with guns...no big deal. Good to be back, LA. Fun times. I hope everyone survived the most boring Superbowl of all time. You know it's bad when the streaker is the most exciting... Continue Reading →

SPANGLED FOR 500

I don't know what days are anymore.  I keep thinking today is Friday.  Everyday should be Friday moving forward.  At this point, why not?  Who cares?  So what?  Regardless of what day it is, America has spoken.  Jill's husband has been elected the 46th President of the United States.  I think?  I'm no political aficionado... Continue Reading →

Red, White & Who?

Well, well, well...the whole world is watching and from the looks of it, the fate of this country is in the hands of a bunch of strippers and chain smoking penny slotters. A well executed 2020 plot twist. As the mayor of Vegas, I did NOT see this coming. Not in a million bajillion eleventy-million... Continue Reading →

Around the Bend

Honestly, how is it Thursday again? The Bengals already lost again? I can't even remember what I did yesterday. Who's on First? What happened to Monday and where are my pants? You ever wonder if you're really just an avatar and someone out there is severely disappointed in your performance? Are we the topics of... Continue Reading →

Revival

It's Sundurday Octember eleventy-five in the year of the 12th circle of hell. Please direct me to where I can submit my resignation. I've been on this ride for almost 10 months - I have vertigo, dejavu, symptoms of mild depression, characteristics of a sloth and what some might call an (insert air quotes here)... Continue Reading →

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