Love & Happy-ness

Still not really sure how it’s July or 2021 or Thursday or anything anymore. I need a time machine and a basket of champagne. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I know celebrating America can be divisive but I like to think of it as a celebration of our rebellion against the authority, splitting ways from the British Crown and deciding we didn’t want to pay taxes anymore. So I feel like in that spirit, next year we should take it back to its roots, rebel against the authority and refuse to pay our taxes again. I spent the 4th of July in a pool with a 45 year old woman named Gina who told me she went out on one date with a guy after being friends for twenty years and then ‘that happened’ (she pointed at a kid in the pool) and ‘here we are’. Awkward silence. She took a sip from her Truly and then added ‘Marriage is stupid’. This is not an important detail but I want you to visualize it correctly – she was wearing an American flag string bikini. Gina, wherever you are, you’re going to be ok. Also your daughter is beautiful and too good at Jenga for her age…WAY too good. I guess because of the botox I don’t have, I’m at that age where I am constantly asked one of two things – are you married? do you have kids? Gina took it up a notch and added a follow up question – divorced? Then this guy kept going around the pool making sure everyone’s drinks were full and if they weren’t, he’d hand you one. Went to a local saloon style bar – I’m talking men who wear cowboy hats and boots on the regs and dominate the dance floor. Ate at the infamous Hitching Post which was featured in the film Sideways and had some of the best food I’ve had in 84 years. I even bought a new nightstand I’m in love with. Yup. I’m a lady who gets excited about furniture now. I spent an hour last night hunting for lantern sconces. I need a bigger apartment for all my dreams.

In my attempt to murder a fly I accidentally whacked Marla Hooch (my aloe plant) and she went flying out of her pot across the kitchen leaving dirt EVERYWHERE. I don’t know how many of you live alone but, personally, the amount of dumb stuff that happens in this apartment is ridiculous. I jammed my foot into a wall and I’m pretty sure I broke something because the world went black and white so I just threw myself onto the ground so I wouldn’t pass out. That’s something I learned after blacking out at a Chile’s in an airport (totally sober for the record). I came to with an IV shoved in my arm and some stranger asking me questions about the president. My boyfriend at the time was like ‘you should have laid down in the booth – you can’t black out if you’re laying down’. Cool. (thumbs up) Thanks for that advice dude. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind next time my body decides to shut down in an airport. He referred to me that day as his travel companion by the way. Just wrapped myself up in that red flag and kept charging forward didn’t I? So anyways, I’m lying on the ground wondering who would even find me if this is what it came to and then I got distracted by how badly the carpet needed a vacuum, which is annoying because I have no one to blame but myself. So then I’m trying to figure out how many days a person can go without water and conclude that the answer is 7 because of the movie The Ring. But then I’m thinking she was in a well, so she had some water so it’s probably more like 4 or 5. Which then made me think about an episode of Man Vs Wild where he said if you’re dehydrated you’re supposed to find elephant poop and squeeze the liquid out of it to drink. At that point, kill me. Again, I jammed my toe and I’m fine. ‘Tis but a flesh wound!

So you knew this was coming, but I gotta talk about Sha’Carri Richardson. Arguably the best runner the U.S has had since FloJo, she was a gold hopeful. Being that the U.S. hasn’t won gold, that hasn’t later been stripped, in that event since 1996, it was kind of a big deal. Now, there are a few things happening here. The first being she’s a dumb-dumb. The second being the rules are dumb. I understand she was grieving, I understand she was in a delicate state of mind but I also understand that rules are rules, regardless of how stupid they are. You have no idea how many detentions I sat through for having an untucked shirt as if that changed the trajectory of my life. Usually when you go into a corner to think about what you did, you learn a lesson of some sort. I did not. Nor will Sha’Carri as I feel she essentially had an untucked shirt, the difference being my inability to follow the rules put me in a desk for an hour after school and she is going to miss competing on the international stage that is the Olympics. She’s been very honest and accepting of the repercussions. It is what it is and it sucks, there’s no arguing that. But if we break this down, marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug. If anything, it’s a performance inhibiting drug so if you ask me, the real people who should have decided her fate are those she will compete against. If they’re ok with it, what’s the issue?? Now I’m just imagining races where the runner’s are announced with whatever substances are in their body. ‘We’ve got (insert name here) in lane 5 – he/she drank eight tequila sodas last night, smoked three parliaments and capped it off with a fiesta pack at 3am…let’s see how he/she does’…I mean that would be highly entertaining. But alas, rules are rules. Remember when Michael Phelps got caught with a bong? People LOST THEIR MINDS. He was suspended for three months and lost his endorsement deal with Kellogg. And yes, they knew they weren’t supposed to smoke but I also know pizza isn’t good for me and I still eat that so who am I to judge? And now the 100m race is compromised entirely because it won’t be the best of the best and that’s what I hate the most. Might be time for a little rule renovation. Don’t forget the Olympic committee & WADC have taken medals away from athletes for having caffeine in their system. Change is crucial to moving forward.

On that note, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I’ve recently discovered most people are insane. I was at lunch with a friend and he was making fun of my dating life and it’s like, he’s not wrong. I make very questionable choices. If I lined up my track record, you won’t find the common denominator. I have felt things about people I’m not even quite sure I’ll ever understand but I do know from time to time there are those who make you happy in a way that becomes addicting. The kind of love that begins your days and finishes your skies. The kind of love that sees you…really sees you. I heard someone say ‘love isn’t about being happy’ and it really threw me. Isn’t it? I mean I know it can’t be the sole source of your happy and shouldn’t be ALL about being happy but I feel like it should A LOT about being happy. I googled it, cause that’s what I do now when I want to know if something’s true or not, and quite a many people agree that love is not about happiness. They say it’s about enduring. You know what the synonym for endure is? SUFFER. You suffer through wars, lectures, jury duty, baby showers and traffic – not love. I don’t just want to co-exist with someone. I want a full life. I don’t want to disappear into some version of me where what I want doesn’t matter anymore. Love and happiness can coexist – I’ll will it true. I get there are ebbs and flows but I think the overall feeling should be happy because if you aren’t happy, you’re complacent and that just won’t do. Not for me. Lucky for me, I have people who make me feel extremely loved in a North, South, East, West type of way and there isn’t a grain of suffering about it. The kind of people who call at random on a Wednesday night just to say ‘I love you’ – you make my heart smile ; ) I hope the people you’ve chosen and opened doors for provide the same sense of sparkle in your life.

Well that ended up being a tangent I didn’t know I was going to slide into so hard. You’re welcome and goodnight. Xx

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