Not Yesterday

Well it's happened.  My emotions have boiled over.  I've finally reached the crying portion of quarantine.  I legit can't stop and I know I'm behind in this trend and a lot of you have been crying everyday since March but someone grab a life hammer and save me from this snowglobe of tears.  I typically... Continue Reading →

Awfully Amazing

Saw a man walking down the street in a mask he had crafted with a Crown Royal bag so I really think America is finally getting it together.  Then three seconds later a bee kamikazee-ed his way into my breakfast while a bird took a shit that landed inches away from my elbow.  10 minutes... Continue Reading →

O Positive

Nobody panic.  Not only did I accidentally send my favorite spoon through the garbage disposal and am I starting to look like Frankenstein's bride, but we've reached the multiple waterspout portion of the pandemic.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please pause and google immediately.  I'll wait... ...That's right, water is going up... Continue Reading →

Last Dance

Remember that one time I signed up for a HIIT class, totally forgot, was reminded a minute before it started and was for sure still in bed eating a sandwich?  Yes, you read that correctly and no, I don't need your judgement.  I only threw up in my mouth twice.  Then I laid on the... Continue Reading →

Quandaries

Day 11 of Whole30 and what I wouldn't give to smash my face into a magnum bottle of malbec right now.  Or a merlot soaked gouda.  Or a cupcake.  Or a candy apple covered in fruity pebbles.  Is it candy or candied?  Who cares.  My mouth is legit watering.  The amount of times I've murmured... Continue Reading →

SHIFTing

2020 has to be, at the very least, sponsored by people who'll put a box of Cheez-Its back in the pantry with a single cracker left inside and co-written by George R.R. Martin.  And if the ending is anything like the GOT series finale, lord help us all.  This past week, I was full on... Continue Reading →

Shake it Off

Alright, which of the gods hate me?  The one night I finally fall asleep like the damn Disney princess I know is inside of me somewhere yearning to be free and  EARTHQUAKES.ALL.NIGHT.  In my ten years living in LA, I've never been woken up by an earthquake.  I'm the girl that sleeps through the earthquakes. ... Continue Reading →

Huzzah!

While everyone else is fighting about masks and creating avatars, I'm at the 'I watched The Shining for the first time by myself on a Sunday afternoon' portion of my quarantine.  (please send help) Meanwhile, my neighbor is at the 'I was doing yoga and my elbow popped out of socket' section of her pandemic. ... Continue Reading →

Pursuit of Happyness

Do you feel like life is passing you by?  Do you find that there's not enough time in a day?  Are you having difficulty making space for yourself?  Try doing a plank for two minutes.  TIME HAS NEVER MOVED SO SLOW.  Hands down, the worst 120 seconds of your life.  Everything is about perspective, is... Continue Reading →

Fire Swamp

Well well well - just when I thought everybody was out of control just enough, enter MURDER HORNETS!  Cause cicadas weren't enough.  No, no.  That's too biblical, they said.  We need something a little more modern, a little more sexy.  Viola murder hornets.  Maybe landsharks and sharknados aren't such crazy concepts afterall.  There really isn't... Continue Reading →

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