Ahoy there! Well it happened – I bought two shirts THAT AREN’T BLACK!!! Insert confetti and prizes here. I also bought the same shirt in three different colors, so there’s that as well. I like what I like. I don’t think I’m ever going to be remembered for my fashion choices. I contemplated buying biker shorts to wear in public and now I don’t know who I am anymore. Pretty sure I pulled a muscle bowling to give you an idea of what kind of shape I’m in. Watched Eyes Wide Shut for the first time and wish my eyes had been shut. What a heap of garbage. Kubrick is overrated. There. I said it. It’s been 13 years and Father’s Day still gets me. All the pictures, all the ads, all the emails – it’s like a month of reminders that he’s gone. I got a notification from Postmates that said ‘Dad getting hungry?’ it was like, no….no he’s not. And it’s not that I’m offended but that knife in my heart, that’s always there, gets pushed in just a little bit more in those moments. Someone was talking about going to see their grandma the other day and I thought – no shit, you still have those? And just a request while we’re cancelling things, how about we cancel the IRS and like 90% of the government? Can we do that? I don’t care what Michael B. Jordan named his rum but I am sick of paying to park on the street or really anywhere. Let’s cancel paid parking, people who talk so loud I can hear their conversation from two tables away, people who drive with no intention, taxes and crop tops. Priorities people!
I know I talk about Dave Chappelle a lot, but I don’t think anyone knows how much I truly adore this man and his brain. When he received the Mark Twain award, he quoted a phrase his mother used to always tell him:
Sometimes you gotta be a lion to be the lamb you really are
I can’t tell you how much I feel that from time to time. I consider myself a pretty nice person but sometimes it’s impossible. You have to stick up for yourself every once in awhile. Some people don’t have your best intentions. That’s an unfortunate fact. Loyalty is hard to find but I really do believe most people are good. Dating aside, I’m really good at reading people. There’s a certain energy people carry. Anyways, sometimes you gotta be a lion. Speaking of animals, I had a VERY vivid dream the other night. I was in an abandoned house FULL of snakes trying to attack me. The last thing I remember is one was after me and I slammed a door shut but there was a square cut out of the door in the corner so he got in anyway and as he (snakes are always male, we’ve been over this) sprung for me, I woke up in a panic, covered in sweat. It was traumatizing. I HATE snakes, I wanted to throw up. I even jumped in the shower at 4 in the morning because I felt so gross. However, I believe our dreams are a window to our subconscious and can be enlightening. Fun fact, I’ve been obsessed with dreams since I was a little girl.
Britney unleashed some bombshells about her situation via zoom to the courts this week. Before I go off on my thoughts, I read an article in which she was described as the ‘Stronger’ singer – like, THAT’S the song you chose? Anyways, I am still in shock that her situation is even real or legal. She has been making money for years, including a residency in Vegas in which she hasn’t been able to control a cent of it. So she’s competent enough to make the money, but not enough to handle it? Explain this logic to me. She’s essentially been their puppet for years and it’s a bit of stockholm syndrome because it seems she’s finally come out of this fog and is speaking up against it. She even claims she has an IUD her family won’t let her remove so that she can have more kids because they make all of her medical, personal and financial decisions – it’s bananas. She just wants to ride in car with her fucking boyfriend! And if you’re in shock these types of things are happening, let’s not forget this is what was done to the Native Americans in order to control their wealth and land. This unfortunate and unjust court order happens all too often but now that it’s happening to an international popstar we’re all a little more aware of the injustice. America is weird.
My sister sent me a tweet yesterday that said ‘The American education system is broken beyond repair’ above a retweet of ‘JUDY GARLAND HAS BEEN LIZA MINNELLI’S MOTHER THIS ENTIRE TIME?!’ I didn’t get it. She goes ‘kids don’t know these things, that’s the problem’ and then I was like ‘WAIT A SECOND, THAT’S REAL LIFE?!!?’ So yeah – hi, I’m a dumbass and will be in the corner until further notice. How did this happen?? I come from a musical background. I’m almost 40(ish). I guess I never really thought about where Liza came from or who her parents were. I just assumed she popped out of a bowl of sequins at the hands of a Wizard one day. I realized that I didn’t know anything about Judy Garland except for she was in Wizard of Oz, she started smoking when she was 16 years old to suppress her appetite and the lyrics DING DING DING GOES THE BELL!! Best.lyrics.ever. So naturally I fell into a rabbit hole about her life and WOW WOW WEE. She had five husbands, one of which was her drug dealer, which they blatantly left out of the movie. Yes, I watched the movie too. It was a full on day of Judy. I don’t care what you say about Renee Zellweger’s face or voice or oddities – she was outstanding. I mean, I’m still not over it. I was bawling at the end of the movie predominantly because of her performance. I will never hear Over the Rainbow the same ever again.
I guess what all this has made me feel is grateful. Grateful I had the kind of dad worth missing. Grateful that if I wanted to, I could go for a ride in my boyfriend’s car. Grateful that I wasn’t fueled with drugs as a teenager to be “successful”. Grateful that I surround myself with people that don’t bring out the lion within me. It’s so easy to feel like the life you’re living isn’t good enough but I promise you, it’s beautiful. There will always be those less fortunate than you and there is always a silver lining. I talk a lot about being kind to others but don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Your inner thoughts and things you tell yourself are much more powerful than you think. My brother and I were talking about how hard it is for us to take compliments and it’s like – why is it so hard to believe that there’s something worthy of praise about me? Take a compliment, tell yourself how amazing you are (within reason, easy Kanye), wear pants that make you feel good, or don’t wear pants and feel good – pick your poison but love yourself just a little bit extra for me. Lizzo yourself! On a final note, Chappelle made an appearance during a Foo Fighters concert to sing Creep and if he doesn’t show up to the Foo Fighters concert I’m going to, I’m going to throw an adult tantrum. So Dave, from your number one fan and neighbor, PLEASE do me this solid. Think of it as charity work. That’s all I ask. #FreeBritney I’ll be in Palm Springs. Bye Xx