Too Much

A year into this thing and it's starting to feel like that one roadtrip to Florida when we were "almost there" for what felt like a quarter of my life. Don't worry, by June we'll be in the -insert whatever color you want here- tier. OH WILL WE MARGO?! Don't you dare get my hopes... Continue Reading →

to Be or not to Be

Just sitting here writing to the hum of multiple helicopters in the air above my apartment looking for two men at large with guns...no big deal. Good to be back, LA. Fun times. I hope everyone survived the most boring Superbowl of all time. You know it's bad when the streaker is the most exciting... Continue Reading →

SPANGLED FOR 500

I don't know what days are anymore.  I keep thinking today is Friday.  Everyday should be Friday moving forward.  At this point, why not?  Who cares?  So what?  Regardless of what day it is, America has spoken.  Jill's husband has been elected the 46th President of the United States.  I think?  I'm no political aficionado... Continue Reading →

Red, White & Who?

Well, well, well...the whole world is watching and from the looks of it, the fate of this country is in the hands of a bunch of strippers and chain smoking penny slotters. A well executed 2020 plot twist. As the mayor of Vegas, I did NOT see this coming. Not in a million bajillion eleventy-million... Continue Reading →

Awfully Amazing

Saw a man walking down the street in a mask he had crafted with a Crown Royal bag so I really think America is finally getting it together.  Then three seconds later a bee kamikazee-ed his way into my breakfast while a bird took a shit that landed inches away from my elbow.  10 minutes... Continue Reading →

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