Huzzah!

While everyone else is fighting about masks and creating avatars, I'm at the 'I watched The Shining for the first time by myself on a Sunday afternoon' portion of my quarantine.  (please send help) Meanwhile, my neighbor is at the 'I was doing yoga and my elbow popped out of socket' section of her pandemic. ... Continue Reading →

Pursuit of Happyness

Do you feel like life is passing you by?  Do you find that there's not enough time in a day?  Are you having difficulty making space for yourself?  Try doing a plank for two minutes.  TIME HAS NEVER MOVED SO SLOW.  Hands down, the worst 120 seconds of your life.  Everything is about perspective, is... Continue Reading →

Fire Swamp

Well well well - just when I thought everybody was out of control just enough, enter MURDER HORNETS!  Cause cicadas weren't enough.  No, no.  That's too biblical, they said.  We need something a little more modern, a little more sexy.  Viola murder hornets.  Maybe landsharks and sharknados aren't such crazy concepts afterall.  There really isn't... Continue Reading →

too hot for quarantine

Happy 'wtf is it so hot?' Thursday.  Just over here making a list of exit strategies for zoom.  'My computer died' has run its course.  People are getting suspicious.  It's like running into someone in the grocery aisle and there's no conversation to be had, so your only option is to jump into a pile... Continue Reading →

QuaranQueen

I am Jennifer.  First born daughter of James.   Queen of Quarantine & the Blue Mountains.  The Puzzler.  Destructor of plants.  Dweller of the batcave.  Seamstress for the Band.  Keeper of the House of Whiteclaw.    ...man that makes me sound so cool when really I'm just a borderline alcoholic who lives in a dim-lit studio... Continue Reading →

Empty Chairs & Empty Tables

Aaaaaaaaaaand my belly-button is missing.  My life has become a never ending Oktoberfest.  What are standards?  Tell me all about them.  Sign me up for the Biggest Loser:  Quarantine Edition.  I had two boxes of Lean Pockets and a cherry coke for dinner the other night.  I had one friend who was giving me a... Continue Reading →

NonEssential

How are all those languages coming along?  Remember when a bat ruined my chances at ever seeing Hamilton or having sex?  Oh man...let's see...let me look at these tallies I've been making on my wall with lipstick I'll never wear again...it's day eleventy-five of this quarantine and so far my kitchen has flooded, I've murdered... Continue Reading →

Quarantime

I don't know what day it is.  I for sure don't know what time it is.  I haven't been outside of my apartment in days.  I don't know who's touched what or why anything or if I'll ever have sex again.  The love of my life is somewhere out there and now I might never... Continue Reading →

Scary Movie Life

Well it's happened.  I am living my nightmare, starring in my own horror film.  Something I never thought possible.  (sigh) I didn't have a single sip of alcohol on St. Patrick's Day.  I'm a failure to myself, my family and all of Ireland.  I feel shame.  I don't even know who I am anymore.  This... Continue Reading →

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