The Vortex

In this great big universe, in this great big world, in this great big life, the people you meet and the adventures you lead must be noted.  What are the odds?  You have to believe in fate, even if it’s in the most miniscule way.  If not fate, then you have to admit there’s something extraordinary about it all.  We will encounter all sorts of humans and situations in this lifetime.  Some are welcomed, some are unforeseen and some are so completely out of left field, it’ll take your breath away.  And then there are the moments that’ll make you want to throw yourself into a dumpster fire because they make zero GD sense.  You just wanna throw your hands in the air in the pouring rain and ask WHYYYYYYY?!?! very dramatically as you fall to your knees in the middle of the street with mascara from last week running down your face.  They say there is a lesson in everything.  Well I, for one, would like to speak to THEY and say ‘Is there?’ – with that very skeptical scrunched up Kodros face you all know so well.

I’m just a single white girl in my 30s trying to write a blog and you wouldn’t believe the spectacle that is my life right now.  If there was ever a time I thought I actually entered the Twilight Zone, this is it.  I am sitting in a diner on Sunset bearing witness to what I can only describe as a shit-show.  In one booth there is a couple and their obviously single friend who overcompensates by trying and succeeding in being the loudest person within 5 blocks.  He’s even tried chirping in on my conversation with my friends which has not only been obnoxious and completely unwarranted but has also deleted any chance of any endeavor he may have had in mind.  This isn’t because we aren’t in the mood to be be social but because his comments are quite rude and might actually get him a slap across the mouth.  Side-note:  mimicking a stranger’s laugh and expecting them to find it funny is setting yourself up for failure.  I don’t know you like that bro.  And chew with your mouth closed.

In the next booth we have a young man who appears to be on at least 3 different kind of drugs eating with nothing but a steak knife.  I think it’s important to tell you at this point in the story that he’s not eating steak or anything on the bone.  Not a fan of forks it seems.  It’s a very aggressive feeding frenzy that seesaws with resting his face on the plate.  At this point I’m not sure if the plate is actually talking to him or if he’s going in and out of consciousness.   He has now decided to hold the plate up to his mouth and use the knife as a shovel which might be the most Neanderthal public display of dining I’ve ever witnessed in my life.  And I’ve been to Medieval Times – where I was yelled at by the King for sneaking in a spoon.  Another story for another day.  I should probably be more concerned that he’s going to stab himself in the face with his choice utensil but I’m more appalled at the entire scenario.  Update:  now he’s hobbling up the stairs in a very Wolf of Wall Street way and I am 100% sure he didn’t pay his bill.  Good Lord.

Meanwhile, a man on crutches is just doing laps around the wine display.  And this just heard from the brunette in the booth next to me to her date, “I’m kind of everybody’s type.  It’s annoying.”  This is after she had a 10 minute conversation with the poor guy who works here about what wine she could drink that doesn’t have sulfates, preferably French.  There isn’t a server in Los Angeles who wants to be discussing wine regions at 1 in the morning.  Kill me. We are at a 24 hour diner lady, get your life together.  And now it has been brought to our attention that the steak knife monster was using my friend’s brand new car’s hood as a trampoline to get over a cement wall.  Somebody create a vortex and get me out of here.


I don’t know why certain things happen.  I imagine my lesson was to stay humble, to double check what I think is flirting will be received as such and to stay away from meth.  Maybe?  Honestly, I don’t know.  I don’t have all of the answers.  If I did, I would be wearing my pjs in a hut on an island drinking vodka straight out of a pineapple on a beach couch in the sand.  If you don’t know what a beach couch is, you need to go on vacation with me.  I just have to believe that everything happens for some sort of reason, that we walk away having gained a little more insight about life.  If you’re in a rut and not feeling like you’re seeing the purpose in it all, break the chain, find a vortex.  We have to open our eyes to the wonder and serendipity that is life.  Have you ever seen something that legit makes you do a double take?  That gives you the wind you need beneath your wings?  That brings tears to your eyes in a matter of seconds?  That calms you in such a way that all of your worries fall to the wayside?  It’s out there.  I promise.  So much is out there.  Perhaps there is a lesson in everything or maybe we are a part of someone else’s lesson.  And that’s what I discovered in a diner on Sunset Boulevard.




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