My thoughts on Life, Writing, Hollywood, Children, My Neighbors, Love & Growing Up
I still don't know what "hedge funds" are or wtf a bitcoin is but I do know if you aren't buying wine from Ralph's/Kroger by the 6-pack, you're doing it wrong. I paid $66 for what should have been over $200 of wine and bubbles. Even the cashier went 'SHIT!' after he saw the total.... Continue Reading →
Happy post Scorpio conception day! At least everyone knows where they stand in their relationships now. And if you're trying to figure out an LA relationship - GOOD LUCK! - she yells through a megaphone with a very sarcastic thumbs up. I was at the grocery over the weekend feeling attacked by the Cupid inspired... Continue Reading →
Just sitting here writing to the hum of multiple helicopters in the air above my apartment looking for two men at large with guns...no big deal. Good to be back, LA. Fun times. I hope everyone survived the most boring Superbowl of all time. You know it's bad when the streaker is the most exciting... Continue Reading →
I found myself on the brink of buying a rooster utensil holder at 1 in the morning the other night, so you could say I'm DOING FINE. Luckily I had a friend tell me I should sleep on it - THANK YOU FRIEND. Don't worry, I had 18 other tabs of options open. Eezy breezy... Continue Reading →
We aren't even 20 days into this year and I feel like I've seen all I need to see. I'm good. Are you good? The only thing keeping me on this ride, frankly, is that hockey came back last night which is distracting me from gouging my eyes out Oedipus-style at that fact that Harbaugh's... Continue Reading →
A friend sent me a video of Christina Aguilera singing the part in Genie in a Bottle 'I feel like I've been locked up tight for a century of lonely nights' on repeat and I've never felt more heard. And if this isn't the cherry on top of the WHO MADE THIS AND WHAT THE... Continue Reading →
I don't know what days are anymore. I keep thinking today is Friday. Everyday should be Friday moving forward. At this point, why not? Who cares? So what? Regardless of what day it is, America has spoken. Jill's husband has been elected the 46th President of the United States. I think? I'm no political aficionado... Continue Reading →
While all of you are prancing around pumpkin patches and indulging in apple cider being basic WITHOUT ME (rude), I'm dealing with some real shit over here. My beloved Lean Pockets have been discontinued and now life has no meaning. And for those of you thinking, 'you shouldn't be eating that crap anyway' - YOU... Continue Reading →
What a week it has been, especially in the United States of WTF is going on America. My.God. Stand back Schitt's Creek, because this was BY FAR the best comedy of the year. For those of you who watched the (dramatic pause with a big long sigh)..."debate"...I really hope you were drinking. For those of... Continue Reading →
Aaaaaaaaaaand my belly-button is missing. My life has become a never ending Oktoberfest. What are standards? Tell me all about them. Sign me up for the Biggest Loser: Quarantine Edition. I had two boxes of Lean Pockets and a cherry coke for dinner the other night. I had one friend who was giving me a... Continue Reading →
**RETROSPECTACULAR** 