Better Days

Ahhh, yes, the time of year when everyone rages about Columbus and tells you if you don't vote a certain way, you don't love them while everyone else threatens to leave the country - it's the most wonderful time of the year! Since I'm not sure when I'll ever be able to use my passport... Continue Reading →

Sweet Sorrows

While all of you are prancing around pumpkin patches and indulging in apple cider being basic WITHOUT ME (rude), I'm dealing with some real shit over here. My beloved Lean Pockets have been discontinued and now life has no meaning. And for those of you thinking, 'you shouldn't be eating that crap anyway' - YOU... Continue Reading →

Revival

It's Sundurday Octember eleventy-five in the year of the 12th circle of hell. Please direct me to where I can submit my resignation. I've been on this ride for almost 10 months - I have vertigo, dejavu, symptoms of mild depression, characteristics of a sloth and what some might call an (insert air quotes here)... Continue Reading →

Huzzah!

While everyone else is fighting about masks and creating avatars, I'm at the 'I watched The Shining for the first time by myself on a Sunday afternoon' portion of my quarantine.  (please send help) Meanwhile, my neighbor is at the 'I was doing yoga and my elbow popped out of socket' section of her pandemic. ... Continue Reading →

Empty Chairs & Empty Tables

Aaaaaaaaaaand my belly-button is missing.  My life has become a never ending Oktoberfest.  What are standards?  Tell me all about them.  Sign me up for the Biggest Loser:  Quarantine Edition.  I had two boxes of Lean Pockets and a cherry coke for dinner the other night.  I had one friend who was giving me a... Continue Reading →

NonEssential

How are all those languages coming along?  Remember when a bat ruined my chances at ever seeing Hamilton or having sex?  Oh man...let's see...let me look at these tallies I've been making on my wall with lipstick I'll never wear again...it's day eleventy-five of this quarantine and so far my kitchen has flooded, I've murdered... Continue Reading →

Don’t Mind Me

Just when I thought I'd lost all sex appeal, I got cat-called by a parrot this week.  Yes, you read that sentence correctly.  SHE'S STILL GOT IT!  Ugh.  So as far as where I'm at in life, I feel like I'm really soaring this week.  Add that with the fact I'll be over here dying... Continue Reading →

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