Looking Out

Holy shit. Everyone stop what you’re doing. Gwyneth Paltrow ate bread ladies and gentlemen. That was her lockdown low. If that’s her idea of “going off the rails”, I imagine she would consider my life a tragedy on an Oedipus scale. Is she for real? There was a day I ordered breakfast, lunch and dinner for delivery. One time I ordered dinner from 3 different places the same night because I couldn’t decide what to eat. Guess I shouldn’t tell her I found the best burrata in LA. It’s so good, I ate there twice in one week. Yes I did. I did that. When I love, I love hard. And hey, again, to each their own but the fact that this is national news is somewhat if not entirely infuriating. There is A LOT going on in the world, stuff that affects us on the daily, important stuff – what a woman living in SoCal is eating isn’t one of them…ever. May we all find hobbies that distract us from the bored musings of inconsequential information and humdrum existence. Speaking of which, stand back TP, you’ve been replaced. My fellow Americans, if you don’t have a full tank of gas, I suggest you fix that stat. You even whisper shortage and the people will come. The pictures I’ve seen make me want to find an uncharted island and call it home. People have been flocking to the pumps filling whatever they can – garbage bags, storage containers, garbage bins – with gas. What are you going to do with GARBAGE BAGS of gasoline, KAREN?!?! You idiot. I mean can we not act like we eat crack for breakfast for a single minute? We were just starting to get our street cred back with the rest of the world (a tiny bit) and now this?! COME ON! If we compare it to a family scale, it’s like we now have thousands of crazy aunts and uncles across the mainland making our family look completely wack-a-doo. We’re only as good as our weakest link. We’re going to be that kid who didn’t get invited to Taylor’s bday party cause we’re “weird”…and not in the ‘they’re gonna change the world’ way.

Grey’s Anatomy was renewed for season 18 which begs a few questions. WTF is making these decisions? Have they watched this season? Are all of their faculties fully functioning? I have been more entertained by foreign language films without subtitles. There has been more forward motion in my dating life (yikes). I’ve been more amused watching the timer countdown on my microwave. That show has been nothing short of awful. We’ve been on the beach all season in Grey’s subconscious talking to dead people from season’s past and all I know is this: NOBODY CARES. As a writer, it makes me want to smash my head into a glass table. Dream sequences and flashbacks are the epitome of laziness. We’re in the middle of a pandemic and this is the storyline you came up with? I was listening to a podcast last night, something new and different I’ve been trying. A comedian was saying in order to have material, to be able to comment on society, you have to live. You have to have a life. Experience is necessary to create. Being freelance, it’s sometimes hard to allow yourself a break. To not see time away from work as time wasted. I think that was something I definitely needed to hear. My craft requires a wild life so maybe I am right where I belong afterall. Not that I ever thought I was doing it wrong, but any sort of confirmation that you’re on the right track with anything along this adventure is appreciated. So thank you for validating my need to explore, to play as hard as I work, to find the fun in each day, to smile often, to live a life worth talking about and to laugh. Speaking of podcasts, give The Midnight Miracle on Luminary a listen – Chappelle being a genius yet again…

I just finished a show called The Serpent. Highly recommend. It’s based on a true story which is terrifying but also, some of these people are dumb af. Did no one take a D.A.R.E. class? How many times do I have to tell you – if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Has anyone seen Brokedown Palace?! Don’t go running around with strangers in a foreign country. That’s travel 101. Don’t drink anything a stranger gives you. That’s life 101. Stranger danger! Maybe that’s why I was single for so long – when strangers talk to me, my immediate thought is – wtf do you want? My friend reminded me that I used to tell guys that I was a firefighter so they’d leave me alone. One time I told a guy I was a flag maker…and he believed me. What a hotdog. Anyways, it’s a great miniseries and another tale of people that are trash. There was a moment that got the tears going for me – not that it takes much. My favorite character from the series says,”If we aren’t here to care for each other and look out for one another then what are we here for?” It hit me right in the heart. What are you here for? Have you ever really thought about that? I think we’re human and at the end of the day most of us want the same thing. You take away money, status, assets – we’re all the same bag of bones with personalities, albeit some better than others. Let’s not forget that. There’s a fine line between relying on the kindness of others and being naive but 37 years into this thing and I still somehow believe most people are good. I really do.

On the homefront, my neighbor keeps listening to Bittersweet Symphony on repeat so it seems he’s still going through some things. That song makes me think of Cruel Intentions when Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe finally hook up which then makes me think of their divorce which then makes me think about breakups which then makes me think about all of my exes which then makes me question my decision-making capabilities which then makes me wonder why I am the way I am which makes me wonder about the pivotal moments in my life which then makes me wonder about past lives and all the sorts of people I could have been and if I was a man and if this life is punishment for the things I did. This is what my neighbor is doing to me with a single song. It’s probably important to mention that I am on day 8 of Whole30 and would very much like a sandwich. I’ve also realized every single thing I do is on a screen and I need to start incorporating non-screen days into my life. Between my phone, the TV, my computer – I’ve been reading books on my iPad – it’s TOO MUCH BABY!!! (if you’ve never heard me say that, you’re probably not reading it right. It requires an accent and a certain air of indifferent exhaustion) Maybe I just need sugar. I would love a bowl of chai icing right about now…just throwing that out there. Do what you will with that information. Keep looking out. Kodros out Xx

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