I hope everyone survived Valentine’s Day. It’s actually a scarier holiday than Halloween. No clue how a massacre turned into roses and two-tops but here we are. Let’s ALL go out to dinner and let’s ALL order flowers ALL at the same time. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work last night and the card aisle was packed with middle-aged men with bouquets hanging from their hands. Grocery store flowers brought to you by the petals of procrastinators. It’s the Olympics and Valentine’s Day and Fat Tuesday all in one week. Something for everyone. As I sat at dinner last night watching the U.S. women’s hockey game on my phone, I realized this is probably why I’m single. Whatever.
If you haven’t been watching the Olympics, you are missing out on greatness. So much fun. There are kids half my age achieving what I always dreamed of as a kid. Half.my.age. My god where has the time gone? When I was 17 I was a freshman in college who didn’t really know much about anything . I looked out my dorm window and saw a grocery cart on fire rolling by and that’s when I learned what tailgating was. Speaking of which, what’s with Americans celebrating by destroying things!? What’s that all about? Can we not? Ugh, we are so embarrassing…
I’ve come to the realization that the difference between summer and winter Olympics is simple beyond the obvious. Wealth and opportunity. Winter sports require a lot of gear for the most part. Skis, boards, goggles, and whatever else you need to traverse these hills and galleys of ice are not cheap. I would be the skier without poles cause I couldn’t afford them. I’m not gonna lie, no one ever turned to me and was like, “hey you wanna luge on Saturday?” If I had known that was even an option in my life, I might be on a Wheaties box and not living in a studio apartment in Hollywood. Curling?! Uhh, I’m not super domestic but for a gold medal I will sweep the shit out of something!
I like to watch everything live. I don’t like replays or watching it when NBC decides it’s convenient for them. I think it’s very crazy how the results will already be in and they’re playing an event like it’s never happened before. I actually have a friend who is there watching the games live and jealousy is real, folks. Total FOMO. The luge isn’t hard to watch live, I’ll tell you that much. The Olympics come to LA in 2024…guess I can’t move till then. 3 million more people in this town? Sure, bring on the traffic.
There truly is something about the Olympics that is inspiring, contagious and downright magical. It’s a culmination of hard work, ambition and perfection. I’ve seen so many athletes who have performed well, but not their best, which is the only way you’ll succeed at this level of competition. It’s inspiring. Be great. In a world full of half-ass, phoning it in, give you what I have to spare ding-dongs…don’t you dare settle for anything less than great. We get to do this once, that I’m convinced of, so let’s make it spectacular. Show the world what you’re made of every single day. Put on your best show. Mean it. All of this inspired by a chubby baby who flies around shooting arrows into people’s hearts. Obviously.