Stuck in a Moment

Oh.  My.  God.  If you haven’t fully indulged in the musical masterpiece that is Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back to Me Now, stop what you’re doing and watch the music video NOW.  You’re Welcome.  Grab a snack – it’s over 7 minutes long.  My friends and I rediscovered this song on a road-trip to the mountains this past weekend.  I guess I had never really stopped to analyze the lyrics but sweet baby johnson soft skinned Jesus.  WHAT IS SHE EVEN SINGING ABOUT?!  Just add the music video and I’m dead.  She basically runs around in a mansion of white silk and candles yapping about how over this guy she is –  and what doesn’t glorify being over something more than performing a 7 and a half minute song with a choir about it?  What’s more is the video revolves around a dude who dies in a motorcycle accident and then she proceeds to dance around in the night and on the sheets with his dead corpse.  WTF.  The dramatics are top notch crazy.  And beyond the sex, it didn’t really sound like a stable relationship anyway.  Which brings me to this week’s topic:  Perspective.

Your perspective of an experience, a conversation or situation is tricky for two reasons.  It can always change and is rarely the exact same as the other person involved.  It’s how two people can look at art and feel something completely different.  Art is and always has been subjective.  There’s an entire broadway show about a white canvas called Art that explores this very topic.  Brilliant writing might I add.  So what we see and feel can only be ours.  Just think about the moments in your life that have left you devastated.  The tears shed.  The lyrics that spoke directly to your heart as if they were written for you alone.  The days you spent numb wondering if you’d ever feel whole again.  Words spoken to you that snuffed the torch that used to burn so bright.  Or perhaps it was a lack of words that left your veins cold as if your entire body forgot how to survive.  The last breath taken that may as well have been yours.  The brokenness felt when you know you can’t be put back together again – not in the same way – not like you were before…because she’s gone.

Whatever you’re going through.  No matter how bad it is.  It will get better.  I promise.  It always does.  The dark before the dawn.  The storm that manifests a rainbow.  The light at the end of the tunnel.  All that cliché stuff, while corny, is also true.  When you’re in the moment, when you’re going through the tough – you lose sight of that.  You forget that time carries on.  That there’s so much more to life than a single moment.  That there’s more waiting for you on the horizon.  A moment can change the course of your direction, impact you in ways you never dreamed or leave scars you didn’t know you had the strength to bear, but that’s not where it ends.  Not yet.  Wherever you are is not where you’ll end up.  Unless you’re living your mom’s basement without a job…if you don’t figure that out, you might end up there for good.  That’s not judgement, just statistics.

I think about the hardest times in my life.  The deaths, the breakups, the fights, the financial hiccups, the job drama, the ultimate lows of feeling beaten down and unworthy.  Utter devastation.  True sorrow.  It feels impossible, insurmountable and undeserved, blah blah, cry me a river, boo-hoo.  But you have to go through the tough.  You have to fight and ride the waves or you’ll drown.  Believe me, there are days I’ve wanted to give up.  Times I’ve wanted to stay in bed for weeks at a time on NyQuil so I could wake up when it was all over.  There have been days I haven’t turned on a single light as if I’m willing the darkness to consume me…which might be the most morbid thing I’ve ever confessed.

Bottom line is life is just really hard sometimes.  It has a tendency to be a downright shit bowl from time to time.  And nobody wants a bag of black jelly beans…ever.  I’ve had days in my life that could probably put your worst days on a pedestal.  And I’m sure someone else has had days that could put mine up there too.  We all have different perspectives, different journeys.  Your eyes aren’t going to dry up forever, okay?  And your tears certainly aren’t going to turn into dust – it’s just not scientifically possible.  And maybe your breakup does feel like someone died in a motorcycle accident.  Or maybe it’s easier to pretend that they DID die in a motorcycle accident.  Regardless, you’re going to get through this.  You might be forever changed but like everything else in life, this too shall pass.  It always does.  Time will resume it’s regular speed again and you’ll feel tiny pieces of yourself come back together.   You’re not stuck.  We just tend to linger in moments that make us feel something and remind us we aren’t invincible.  Because eventually it will bring us to life…just hold on for eventually…you’ll get there.

To Cincinnati, my heart is with you…may this tragic moment bring you together in strength and solidarity.  xx

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