Off the Grid

By the time you read this I will be well on my way into an adventure.  Sometimes a girl has to get out of the city, you know?  This year’s Thanksgiving feast, for the first time ever, will be had by campfire.  Legit camping folks.  Not the glamping fancy pants transformer RV with a hot tub in the trunk.  Just me, some of my favorite people, some smores and a roll of toilet paper in the middle of nowhere.  And what better weekend to go off the grid than that of the Michigan v Ohio State game?!  (insert unamused face here)  Un-f@#$ing-believable.  Of all the Saturdays.  Unreal.  Ugggghhhhhhh.  Go Blue dammit.  Alas, nothing like writing to the sound of rainfall by candlelight.  Truly.  It’s like hearing a dance right outside your window orchestrated by the clouds, releasing their burdens onto the earth in a giant cathartic swoon.  It’s just too beautiful.  I live for these moments.

After the day I’ve had, I deserve it.  My allergies have taken my body hostage.  I sneezed all day.  ALL DAY.  And for the record, sneezing sucks.  Then I started actually getting mad every time I sneezed which resulted in a real glass case of emotion.  This woman in the shoe department at Macy’s looks at me and says, “Whatever it is, he ain’t worth it.”  I realized she assumed I’d been crying about dude…as if I had a dude to cry about.  I said, “Oh, you’re so sweet.  No, it’s my allergies.  I’m actually really happy, you just can’t tell right now.”  She stands up.  “Girl, you don’t have to lie and tell me it’s allergies, get in here.”  She wraps me up in this big hug and while it was a beautiful moment with a stranger I was mostly thinking, ‘Jesus, how bad do I look?‘  I got to work and the answer was:   really bad.  Gotta keep those expectations in check I suppose huh?

I don’t think anyone is going to be surprised when I confess that I am on my phone way too much.  I have a problem.  I honestly try not to be, but end up failing a majority of the time.  I want to look something up, or I didn’t respond to a text or I want to respond right away  so I don’t forget, or what is the lyric to that song in the third verse?  Oh, that’s a fun billboard, what’s that for?  Let’s watch the trailer.  Oh, who’s THAT?  He single?  Damn.  Married since 2008.  Three kids.  So it’s pretty serious.  Oh crap.  Family group GIF chat.  What’s Tyler drunk yelling about now?  Email alert.  Notes on a script, notes on a script.  45th book club email about all the dates that won’t work.  Oooh, LOVE those shoes!  I want.  And down the Alice in Wonderland hole I go.  I’m easily distracted and my attention span is hard to satisfy.  My own thoughts battle to completion.  Pinball machine up there.  If you’re wondering, I have 15 tabs open on my browser right now.

So I can kiss all of that goodbye the next few days because I will be out of service, unreachable and most definitely living my best life like a pioneer woman who would be mortified at the number of milk choices we have these days.  The world is getting weird.  Wishing you and yours a most beautiful day of love.  I hope you find the comfort, open arms and grace you need in others this holiday.  I hope you eat mashed potatoes till it hurts.  I hope your cup runneth over.  I hope the laughs are a plenty.  I hope that empty chair at the table radiates memories that make you smile and reminds you that love never dies.  I hope you libate, hydrate and gyrate.  If you aren’t celebrating this year, have a classy Thursday, okay?  So much love to all of you. And THANK YOU for reading all my words.  The pack is headed out.  Time to live that wolf life howling at the moon.  See ya next week.  xx

Did I mention Go Blue?!  GO BLUE GO BLUE GO BLUE GO BLUE


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