Zig-Zag

In a world of straight lines, I am most definitely a squiggle.  I’ve never been a conformist.  Not one to take much direction.  Definitely don’t like being told what to do.  I most certainly don’t want anything to do with that cookie cutter life.  I’m a socialite recluse, a lucky 13 and a wandering soul painted with chameleon skin.  I’ve always been a wild card.  A glittering fortress of a warrior with a heart that beats for fairytales.  I’m a bit of a zig-zag held together by bones made of stardust and daydreams.  I’m mostly mad with whispers of reason protected by a coat of enchanting chaos.  I cannot be boxed in.  I’m a little bit country and a little bit city.  I belong to no city in particular but I love to go home.  My heart belongs to no one in particular but I burn for the things I love.  I’m a Gemini rising and I will always be dualistic, inquisitive and nosy as hell.  I plan on doing many things in this life, but I will never fall in line.

Keeping in tune with bohemian mindset, my alternative Thanksgiving was a total smash.  I don’t honestly know how I’ll ever top it.  It was peaceful and adventurous and soulful and I haven’t laughed like that in ages.  My phone was off the entire time.  The last time I was away from my phone for that long, I was on a cruise in 2008.  I highly recommend it.  What’s it like to disappear from society?  Magical. Pure, unfiltered, inarguable, unabashed magic.  It’s like finding an oasis that was built specifically for you.  I may as well been skipping across clouds.  No worries.  No cares.  Hakuna Matata.  It’s quite a thing to feel untethered, inaccessible and absolutely present.  It’s liberating.  It’s centering.  And it’s way less bullshit.

What’s it like to come back?  It’s like being ripped away from the very thing that made your heart breathe again.  A slap in the face.  A bucket of freezing water being thrown on you while asleep.  Heartbreaking & Jarring.  I love people but I adore silence.  I am all about my black wardrobe but nothing beats sweatpants and a flannel.  There is a certain simplicity to the wilderness.  There’s something addicting to it that fills your veins and keeps you wanting more.  As we made our way back to the city, I could have turned my phone back on but I didn’t.  I was unaware how much anxiety being available caused me.  I had no idea the joy I would find in disappearing.  I also wanted to watch the Michigan game without spoilers.  And what a wasting heap of effort and time that was.  Dingleberries on parade.  BUT, selfishly, I must say that I’m the teeniest bit glad we lost so that I didn’t miss the win and feel like superstitiously I would never be able to watch another OSU v Michigan game again.   Of course, I turned on my phone after the garbage parade that was that game and my phone EXPLODED with texts of condolences, gloating and expletives from family and friends…mostly expletives.

So I’m back and we’ve entered my favorite time of year (so.much.sarcasm.).  When you risk the chance of hearing Christmas music on the radio with every button you push.  It’s a real gamble folks.  And I lose EVERY TIME.  My grocery store put out Christmas candy the day after Halloween.  It’s maddening.  Do you people even know what Christmas is?!  It’s like, yeah let’s take the word God out of our schools and off of our currency but don’t you dare take Jesus’ birth away from me.  That tree in your house?- it represents the trees in Bethlehem and the stars that were overhead.  I love how people pick and choose what they’re mad about and when anymore.  I sound pretty Bill Burr grinchy.  Sorry.  Christmas music does that to me.  I am sure I will put out my two Christmas decorations by next week.  Right on top of that, Rose.

I don’t need people to understand why I don’t like Christmas music.  I know why and that’s all there is to it.  I’m beginning to care less and less what other people think about anything I do quite frankly.  It seems no matter what you do, someone is going to have something negative to say about it so you may as well do whatever makes your heart smile because that’s what matters at the end of the day.  Do you.  If you want to quit your secure full-time job and go join a circus, you should definitely go do it.  You need to take some time away for yourself and travel to a place you’ve never been – go!  My friend asked me the other day how I travel so much and how I can afford it.  The answer is I have no effing idea.  I will only say this:  I do what I want to do when I want to do it.  Exploring and travelling make me incredibly happy, so I make it happen.  No excuses.  Figure out what it is you really want in this life.  There is a clarity in getting to know yourself that will wrap around you like a warm summer’s morning.   It’s an impenetrable armour.  It’ll keep you safe on the darkest of nights.  And if you learned nothing from Game of Thrones, maybe you’ll take my advice when I say:  Zig-zag.  Always.

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