Going Postal

A puppy took a nosedive into my eye socket.  This was two days ago and my eye has yet to recover.  I look like a carebear pirate.  Life is fun.  Sometimes it’s not.  I’ve been doing a lot of research this week due to the shootings.  Did you know that the term ‘going postal’ refers to a series of mass murders by disgruntled postal service workers in 1986?  *Mindblown*  Anyway, I encourage all of you to take the time to educate yourself because arguing with your friend from high school’s cousin Linda isn’t solving anything dude.  Walk away from your computers – stop trolling people you’ve never had a conversation with in the wild.  Time is precious!  Have you learned nothing?!  Cause here’s what happens, like clockwork, in this country.  It’s been happening since 1966 – when the first mass shooting took place in Austin, TX.  Mass shooting – social media outrage – a presidential speech filled with BS promises – NO CHANGE.  From Lyndon B. Johnson to Donald Trump and everyone else in between.

I do my best to keep things light hearted around these parts but I think all of us – yes YOU – democrats, republicans, non-voters, left, right, far left, far right, straddling the line, loves puppies, cat people, environmentalists, constitutionalists, doesn’t give a shit- need to sit up straight, listen to each other and really get to the nut of the problem…cause it’s a problem.  And let me just state this before all of my gun loving readers’ blood pressures skyrocket:  I am not implying, supporting or suggesting that we take away all/any of your guns.  I am specifically talking about implementing uniform nationwide restrictions, fingerprint registries and background checks for semi-automatic and automatic weapons which are designed to kill large masses in a very short amount of time.  Keep your grandfather’s rifle, keep your pistol, keep your rights.  I am merely concluding after 50 years of mass shootings that we actually do something to keep this country and each other a little bit safer in an effort to end the championship reign for mass shootings worldwide every single year.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that trophy anymore.  It’s embarrassing.

Here is what I’ve gathered.  We all want the same thing.  We want there to be less mass shootings, yes?  Yes.  Okay, we’ve all agreed on something.  YAY – it’s a Christmas miracle.  Red, white and blue all over.  Fantastic.  Then I mention the word gun and everyone loses their minds, doors are slammed, shops close and sides are taken.  In the words of one of the most revolutionary voices of the decade, Taylor Swift, “…you need to calm down…”  I’m obviously joking – but she did say that.  Okay, so stick with me.  To all of you who say it’s not a gun problem, can we at least agree the gun helps?  If it’s not a gun it’s something else.  Well, sure, but that mentality is lazy, inactive and the reason there are a bunch families with one less plate at the table tonight.  Maybe I’m a betting gal, but I’ll take that ‘something else’ every single time.  Door #2 please.  If I had the choice of a gun or a knife fight – I’ll take the knives please and thank you.  Greater chance of making it out alive.  Am I right?

If all of these people were being killed by a specific bow and arrow, I would like to think we would get that particular weapon either off the market or make it extremely hard to get.  Saying it’s not a gun problem is like excusing a man who cheated on his wife for biological reasons.  It takes all blame from the root of the problem.  It doesn’t make sense.  It’s a heart problem?  Meh.  People have been cruel since the beginning of time.  Don’t compare it to cars.  I know, I know, you don’t blame the car, you blame the driver, but that’s why they’re called car ACCIDENTS.  Cars weren’t built to kill.  Let’s all be adults and call a spade a spade.   When romaine lettuce makes more than 5 people sick, it gets taken off the market.  No one says, it’s not a lettuce problem, it’s an inventory problem.  But you know what?  Let’s leave that lettuce on the shelf because if that doesn’t make them sick, something else will.  Aaaaaand my head just popped off.

What is so hard to believe about mass shootings being a gun problem?  Why is that such an avant garde idea?  And what’s more – if you are a law abiding, morally and mentally healthy citizen, what exactly is your problem with a little more gun control?  Is it a paperwork thing?  Real talk, I would like for you to explain to me why you NEED a SEMI-AUTOMATIC or AUTOMATIC  weapon?  You don’t take that to music festivals, movie theaters or geometry class, so beyond the fact that you CAN own it because it’s legal, explain to me WHY?  Do you think America is about to turn into a real-life The Purge?  Is a zombie apocalypse coming?  Is civil war upon us?  I understand the mentality of not wanting to give the government more power over its people.  I don’t have a lot of faith in our government either, believe me, okay?  Ask anyone who knows me, I’m the biggest conspiracy theorist in all the west.  I pay taxes for road construction and maintenance and then get charged to park on the very roads I paid for.  It’s infuriating, I get it.  I agree it sucks we live in a society where the majority is constantly making sacrifices because of the minority BUT if we can curb these mass shootings, I say it’s well worth it.

Cause the reality is it’s sunny with a 60% chance of a mass shooting today.  That’s not a joke.  That’s a real fact and I’m not okay with it.  With divorce being 50% likely, you could experience both in one day at this rate.  It’s also a male rage problem.  Two mass shootings in history were committed by females and one was carried out by a couple, I assume under the influence of the man.  And for anyone who just scoffed at that, Eve has been blamed for Adam eating that apple FOR CENTURIES and yet, men have an Adam’s apple and women don’t.  I don’t make the rules okay?  I am just pointing out ironic anatomy.  I’m not saying men are naturally more evil than woman, I’m just pointing to a history book and raising my eyebrows very suggestively while I gulp down this glass of wine.

Saying mental health is the reason behind mass shootings is like saying mass shooters are a product of bad parenting.  The facts do not correlate.  Just because someone does something that’s not the act of a healthy mind does NOT mean they have a mental illness.  There are so many other factors, stronger factors, contributing to the potential of someone becoming a mass shooter:  resentment, history of domestic violence, narcissism, obsessive tendencies, desire for infamy, oh – and ACCESS TO FIREARMS.  Mental Health is a global problem, not just an American problem, so it doesn’t add up.  While America does have a high rate of mental health problems, it absolutely has the most guns in the world.  50% more than the second closest country which is Yemen.  We have more guns than people.  In a 2015 study, only 22% of 226 gunmen involved in mass shootings could be considered mentally ill, yet 100% of them involved guns.  You do the math.  The gun helps.  I am not saying mental health isn’t part of the problem, I’m just pointing out it’s not the root.

Bottom line is, thoughts and prayers aren’t cutting it.  It’s becoming as mindless a phrase used to placate an ongoing and growing problem in this country.  Unless your thoughts and prayers are going to create a policy change, keep em.  Stop thinking about me and take into consideration the us in all of this or sooner or later it will you be you.  We are supposed to be a United States of people.  We don’t have to agree on everything, we certainly don’t.  We are all entitled to our own opinions, beliefs, religions and standards.  But let’s agree our stance and efforts on putting a stop to mass shootings in this country isn’t working.  I am tired of the left and right headlocking one another into a political standstill.  I am tired of the left and right using platforms to push specific agendas.  If I’m being one hundred, I’m tired of the left and the right in general.  You don’t even know what you’re arguing about anymore.  It’s psychotic vs idiotic as Lewis Black says and I wholeheartedly agree.  It’s not good enough.  We need to do better.  We must.  And this is officially the longest blog I’ve written to date and if you’re still reading, I love you and thank you for joining me on this PSA announcement from my studio apartment.  I bid you adieu.