The City of Angels

I bought a one way ticket to LA.  No job.  No place to live.  Just a plane ticket and an overweight suitcase.  I don’t always make rash decisions but when I do, I’m a maniac.  I have now been in LA for over 6 years.  It’s the longest I’ve ever had the same address in my life.  It’s the city of dreams where the selfie is a skilled art form, traffic is the main source of transportation, dietary restrictions are required and hiking is considered fun.  Los Angeles is a city that has the power to make or break you.  I’m happy to say it hasn’t broken me yet.

La La Land.  The city of dreams.  Such a very interesting town.  Most everybody wants something and their main concern will always be themselves. Once you find your people, however, it makes things a whole lot easier. I would be lying if I said a lot of sifting wasn’t involved when I first moved here. As you can imagine, there’s a lot of BS here…a lot.  From superficial to coniving, it’s not a place I would recommend to those who aren’t sure who they are yet.  Have a foundation, know what you stand for and what you want or this city will get its hands on you and mold you faster than a drunk person can inhale an In-and-Out burger.

Everyone has visions of the Walk of Stars and the glamour of Hollywood Blvd which is ironic because those stars are covered in urine and mark the residence of the majority of the city’s homeless population.  So all those pictures of people touching the star or lying by it…ew.  As a resident, we stay as far away from Hollywood Blvd as possible.  If anyone ever says they are going there, the first question is Why?  And speaking of homeless people, they are on a different level here.  If there was ever to be a homeless Hunger Games, they would win hands down.  Sorry Chicago, sorry NYC- you don’t stand a chance.

The city motto should be “Brake Lights.”  Prepare yourself for rush hour traffic all day long.  Yes, I can see the beach, but there’s an hour and a half of traffic between us.  I’m convinced there was a shitty drivers convention and they all decided to move here.  It’s unreal.  Defensive driving 101.  It’s like bumper cars at an amusement park and a toddler is behind each wheel…except for it’s real life and dealing with car insurance companies is like trying to have a conversation with a lamp.

Paparazzi really do exist and I don’t care what you say, they are the scum of the earth.  It’s a classless job that is unfortunately very lucrative because of the world’s obsession with other people’s lives.  It’s creepy.  Stars are people. Some of them live here.  They have to live somewhere, right?  In fact, meeting someone who isn’t in the entertainment industry is as common as running into someone who was born in LA. It’s the melting pot of America where the majority goal is fame or success (there’s a difference). Asking anyone what they do here is such a cliché that I started telling people I was a firefighter just to mix things up.

Everyone here seems to own a dog.  An awful lot of them forget to bring waste bags when they take them for walks.  Hence the ever present smell of butt that wafts across the city in warm breezes.  I wish I was kidding.  A massive amount of my time is spent making sure I don’t step in dog shit.  So if you plan on visiting, watch your step- literally and figuratively.

I will say, you can’t beat this weather.  It’s a beach day everyday.   Anything below 60 and you’ll hear someone say they’re freezing.  Granted, they’re probably wearing cut offs and a crop top, our temperature gauges are a bit skewed.  We are spoiled.  The actual ground itself starts shaking and we couldn’t care less but raindrops fall from the sky and you would think the city was being attacked and Armageddon was upon us.

The only thing this place is missing is my family and that midwestern vibe I love so dear.  If I had it my way, I would pick the city of Chicago up and move it to the west coast.  Of course, I would leave the Cubs there.  Six years is a long time so I’d be lying if I didn’t say a little voice in the back of my head is getting louder and louder – going on about my next adventure and a new chapter in my life.  I have some ideas but only time will tell…

 

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