TIN YEARS

Ladies, gentleman, toddlers and peasants – it is with great pleasure I share with you that today is my 10 year anniversary in LA.  One long and tumultuous decade ago I consumed way too much vodka, said goodbye to a city I love very much and boarded my one-way flight to LAX.  No place to live.  No job.  Just a girl with a daydream that wouldn’t quit.  Besides one very large suitcase, all of my things were packed into a POD (pictured above with the  cuter, younger version of myself…ugh) and shipped off to a compound to wait for me to find a home.  The traditional symbol for 10 years is tin or aluminum to represent resilience and tougher-than-nails strength.  How apropos.  I am still in the same apartment which is the longest relationship I’ve ever been/possibly will be a part of.  From pennies in my bank account to the hodgepodge of jobs I’m currently working to the all the amazing people I’ve met along the way, it has been a ‘tour de magic’ to say the very least.

Sometimes I feel like the genie from Aladdin.  (10,000 years, 10 years, same difference.)  Is this huge crick in my neck from this 15 year old mattress, my meandering life, my cryptkeeper year of birth or the fact that I fell asleep watching Bachelor in Paradise again?  It has not been what I expected.   Ten years ago I was a vegan living with my boyfriend, working at a michelin star rated restaurant.  Talk about a past life.  I put in my notice…with my job and my relationship.  I went from a 2200 square foot apartment with a washer/dryer and dishwasher to a 500 square foot apartment with a toilet.  So much for upgrades.  And while I can’t have dinner parties, which quite honestly really bums me out from time to time, I have grown to love my tiny home.  Through break-ins, break-ups, lovers, floodings, karaoke/dance sessions, late nights and early mornings, this little piece of mine has been a constant.  Oh Detroit street, you crazy.

Moving to LA was a decision I made with no one else in mind but myself.  It’s arguably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.  For the first time in my life, I lived alone.  Everything in my apartment is MINE.  I had no idea how liberating that would actually feel.  I don’t have to worry about who is borrowing my clothes without asking, when I can shower or who is eating my Cheez-its.  Side Note: in googling to make sure I spelled that right, I discovered Pizza Hut has created giant Cheez-its stuffed with pizza toppings.  Of course they have.  Another job well done, America.  What a time to be alive.  Anyways, it’s been a 10 year love affair with myself.  I know her so much better than I used to.  I don’t know how it’s taken me so long.  It’s not like we ever get time apart.  And yet, oddly I still don’t feel like I know her completely.  It’s a weird thing to say, I know, but every once in awhile I’ll feel, say or do things that surprise me and it’s like – WHO ARE YOU and WHY ARE YOU MAKING MY LIFE SO HARD and WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BODY?  Much like Tyrion, I drink and I know things.  Not all the things.  Like maybe one day I’ll learn to cut onions with gloves on because that stuff SEEPS into your skin.  I am a walking onion right now and it’s gross.  Not a good scent for a woman looking for a mate.  Hi!  Nice to meet you, hope you like mirepoix.  Date me, I’m poor.

If my life were a cartoon, my nemesis would be ingrown hairs.  Ugh.  SEND ALL TIPS MY WAY.  And by tips, I mean not the ones on google because none of those work.  And for anyone who read that and made a gross face – INGROWN HAIRS ARE REAL AND THEY HAPPEN AND JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE PERFECT SKIN OR CAN AFFORD LASER DOESN’T MEAN THE REST OF US AREN’T DEALING WITH IT.  I feel like there is some kind of crazy secret I don’t know about.  Am I not fulfilling my role as a woman?  Because it’s exhausting.  How am I supposed to do all the things?  And be all the things?  I would also like to mention that as I write this, I’m watching the Great Baking Show.  I can’t stop.  I’m not even a sweet tooth person but this is so insanely entertaining.  Baking is not my forte.  I did, however, make red velvet brownies with homemade cream cheese frosting for a friend’s bday that were a smash hit.  So I CAN do it, I just prefer not to.  Which is very similar to how I feel about my current dating options.  Baking is such a precise art and I am more of a dash of this and a splash of that kinda gal.  I’m not the best at following directions.  Shocker.

Another thing I’ve loved about living in LA is Disneyland.  I’m a tiny child stuck in a lady body, what do you want from me?  I went last week and finally visited the new Star Wars Land and I must say it was incredible.  We made a lightsaber, we flew the millenium falcon with four 80 year olds who had a very difficult time figuring out the lightspeed lever, got accosted by Kylo Ren and visited the Star Wars Cantina – by far my most favorite.  Duh.  The drinks were amazing.  One was made with a foam that made your mouth and lips go numb and tingle.  My mom suggested it might be time to grow up (rude) and in case anyone else is on the edge of their seat waiting for that to happen – uhhh, you can relax.  That’s just never going to happen.  I’m an adult who likes to play make believe every once in awhile.  I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed or proud of necessarily.  That’s just who I am.

So cheers to “tin” years and an extra cheers to “tin” more.  Hell, drink the whole glass.  Cheers to who we were, who we are and who we are becoming.  Cheers to my neighbors who drop 2 ton objects every hour on the hour.  Cheers to the car I never bought when I moved here.  Cheers to all the traffic I’ve sat in.  Cheers to the smog for creating beautiful sunsets (just finding the silver lining, environmentalists).  Cheers to late night diners, hikes and Rock n’ Roll Ralph’s.  Cheers to Hama (my favorite sushi spot) and the beach and sunny days.  Cheers to time and what we choose to do with it and who we choose to spend it with.  Cheers to Uber/Lyft for being my personal chauffeur.  Cheers to being selfish every once in awhile.  Honestly, I probably shouldn’t be allowed in public so cheers to my family who tolerates me, my friends who support my wacky and my loves who make my life sparkle a little brighter than before.  To another decade…and beyond.  Xx

It has been brought to my attention after writing this that I can’t do math and it was actually 9 years ago…so cheers as I enter my 10th year in Cali!  Meanwhile, those responsible have been sacked.  (I’m fired)