chill out

Back on the Whole30 (minus the drinking for obvious genetic reasons) which is fun if you like the feeling of never being satisfied.  But the real highlight of my week was when I couldn’t remember if I’d taken my biotin pill or not and then asked myself if I should purchase a pill box.  Good lord.  Is this the beginning of the end?  I know I’ve mentioned this before, but America, please get your deli service together!  I waited 10 minutes before even being acknowledged while a man, from what I could gather, alphabetized fried chicken by their given names.  He was a human version of the sloth at the DMV from Zootopia.  Like to the point that my friend and I couldn’t look at each other without laughing so I just buried my face into the display of potato chips.  Then I had to remind myself that life is funny and to chill out and enjoy it – cause what else are you going to do?  How you react is a choice.  Choose wisely.

Just when my neighbors were doing so well, I was woken up at 6:30 yesterday morning by yet another domestic dispute.  From what I gathered, he’s a psycho, she’s dramatic, it’s her apartment and yet somehow he ended up kicking her out of it.  Don’t worry, she left and came back three times.  At one point he was just mimicking everything she said and she screamed that he got off on putting her down.  She threatened to call the police and I yelled PLEASE DO!  I mean, get it together you two.  You clearly hate eachother so let’s just call a spade a spade.  I don’t care who’s apartment it is, I just need you two to not   Personally, they don’t look like they go together.  You know when you just see two people and they’re different brands of attractive?  Or you see them and you’re like how exactly did THAT happen?  But hey- what do I know?  I’m just a 35 year old who’s bedroom is her living room.  And then this morning they decided to become smoothie people, which was super fun for me at 6 o’clock this morning.  If it’s not screaming, it’s a blender.

Neighbors 500     Me 0

Also does anyone else find it interesting that a sultan is a ruler of a Muslim country but to be sultry is to be hot, oppressive and arouse passion?  I think about things like this a lot.  My brain is a bit of a pinball machine.  I can’t really explain what goes on up there.  When I studied abroad in Australia I was known for waking up with quarter pounders in my purse and I upped the ante this  weekend when I celebrated two of my friends’ 40th birthdays in the desert and woke up with an entire fiesta pack in my suitcase.  How am I single?  It’s truly beyond my grasp.  I tried online dating again last night and on one guy’s profile it said “If you own a stiletto with a platform heel, swipe left”…so I deleted the app.  No thank you.  You have a picture of a mountain on your profile and I can barely figure out where you are in the picture but please, let’s discuss my shoe game.  I guess he feels about shoes that way I feel about cats.  Absolutely not.  Everyone needs to chill out more often.  It’s a real game changer.  And on that note,  go USA!