It’s All Coming Back to Me

Well, it happened.  I’m 36.  The floating beer pong was a giant success as was the crate of coconuts that were delivered to my door.  Dare I say, the world could use more coconuts.  Truly.  Even the moon, full in all its glory, showed up for me.  (Selenophile (n.) A person who loves the moon)  I would also like to thank Mercury for being in retrograde during this very special time in my life.  I have enough turkey burgers and rosé to last me till Christmas.  Rosé typically disappears quickly around these parts but we are on a bit of a break – it was a crazy night, things escalated quickly, we said some things we didn’t mean and it all started with a drag brunch.  It’s best for the universe and the district we stay separated for a bit.  Trust me.

I’m a self-admitted weirdo.  Both hands up.  Always have been.  Anyone who knows me will agree.  I’m a rare bird of unknown origin.  Being a creative, I’ve always been a little different.  I can’t tell you how many times I was told to do something else with life…anything else.  Of course, you know me – as soon as someone tells me to do something, I’m not going to do it.  Stubborn lady till the end of time.  In college when most people were there studying business or law, I was busy in class acting like a cat.  #fact  And we all know how I feel about cats.  I used to organize after-dinner productions when my parents would have people over.  I would produce, direct, cast and star.  I adore entertainment.  Been doing it since I was a little girl and there is nothing on this entire planet that makes me feel more alive.  I was born this way I suppose.  Don’t get me started on GaGa’s makeup line – we will talk about that later.

So now I’m old.  It’s official.  I forget things all the time.  Not just the way my friend’s house smelled, my prom, the night I stopped saying goodnight to my parents or how my heart felt like the only organ in my body the first time someone told me they loved me but the bigger pieces.  I forget places I’ve been, the people I’ve met and the reasons for some of the scars I own.  It’s amazing how life unfolds.  How the good, the bad and the ugly mix together to create our own unique adventure.  The people we meet, the places we go, the cities we’ve called home and the memories that stick out a little further than the rest all become little pieces in the mosaic of our journey.  It’s all ours.

Sometimes, however, if you stop and think about your past, it will all come flooding back in.  Maybe it’s a song that takes you back or the way someone looks at you.  Whatever it is, we remember how we used to be.  We’ve changed in some ways – of course we do, it’s inevitable – but in so many ways we are exactly the same.  Maybe we don’t forget so much as memories get put on a shelf and we forget they’re there.  It’s how we carry on.  Imagine your life is an entire section of a library.  A collection of stories that is your life sits on the shelves.  Some dustier than others.  Some chapters better than others.  Full of moments that brought you here and contributed to your now.

There are people who are no longer in my life I think of from time to time.  Friends, roommates, coaches, classmates, loves, teachers, teammates, directors – I mean really think about how many people you’ve come across.  One day you talked to them and the next day you didn’t.  Time carried you away from each other.  And that’s really what time does in general – carries you towards something else.  Sometimes intentionally, other times accidentally.  Time keeps on slipping.  Time waits for no one.  You have to believe that where you’re being taken is going to be better than where you’ve been.  I am learning to be much more careful with my time.  I have learned that time may be the most valuable thing a person can spend.

There’s a reason we forget the past and it’s not because it’s not worth remembering but because we need to focus on where we are and what is real.  Dwelling on the past will only keep you stagnant – you can learn from it, be stronger for it, be braver or more cautious because of it but we have to move forward because we have to keep going.  There is so much more to be done.  It’s okay to take a stroll down memory lane every once in awhile but you can’t live there…not anymore.  That was another time and another place and you aren’t that person anymore.  You shouldn’t be at least.  Who you are is not where you’ve been…but it is because of where you’ve been.  Carry on.



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