I have been told several times in the last few months that I need to clean out my closet. Both literally and figuratively. So now I do this thing where I open it, stare at it and then close it again. ‘For another day’ I tell myself. That’s basically my M.O. when it comes to cleaning things. Hence why I have a cleaning lady for less than 500 square feet of space. You wish I was joking. In my defense, I’m allergic to dust. So it’s basically for my health, ok? Also, I don’t need your judgement or you telling me how it releases stress and makes you feel better about yourself and blah blah blah. Nobody likes dusting things – dust sucks – and you’re not an archaeologist. So lie to yourself but don’t lie to me. Liars are the worst. And let’s be real, you’re a tiny bit jealous. But alas, my cleaning lady can’t clean everything for me so the fact remains my closet still needs to be cleaned.
There are things in this life we hold onto for much longer than we mean to, should or even realize. Clothes, relationships, grudges, anger, friends, you name it. It can be anything really. I could play the ‘keep or sell?’ game, I could ask if something brings me joy, or I could just throw it all out and have a giant bonfire. Sure, I could do any of these things but cleaning out the cobwebs of my life isn’t really on my ‘get fired up’ list of things to do. It’s hard to face your past, to face where you’ve been when you aren’t proud of it. To face those people who molded you into the person you’ve become, especially when those people are no longer a part of your life, whether or not it’s by choice. To open your eyes to why you are the person you are today. To confront the moments that define you. It’s daunting. It’s an epic saga of Lord of the Rings proportions and to be frank, I don’t have the time to go down that rabbit hole. Who does?
If I’m honest with myself, there are definitely some things in my life that could use some letting go. I have a whole box of porcelain bunnies in my closet – don’t even ask. I’ve got clothes in my cabinets I haven’t worn since grade school cause I’M GONNA LOSE THE WEIGHT OK?! A romantic at heart, I got this notion when I was little to never throw away a love letter. So now I have a box of letters that I haven’t read in years for sentimental purposes but also to preserve history because the love letter is extinct. Nowadays it’s love emails or a sext at best. The days of poetry and written heartfelt notes given without expectation are days of yore. The Bennet’s would be devastated. Write love letters people!
I don’t particularly enjoy feeling like a prisoner to anything. Especially when I’m partially to blame. So I am going to do my best to get rid of anything and everything toxic in my life because ain’t nobody got time for all that, right? Whatever you’ve been carrying, you have to decide its worth. Take a load off, as the lyrics go. Forgive yourself, forgive others, put yourself first and make the choice to be happy. Nothing around us has any emotional power over us unless we grant it.
“Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit down with your demons and have a drink and a chat and learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.” — Charles Bukowski
This isn’t to say that I won’t mess up or make some of the same mistakes or that I will even be a shred closer to perfect but I will certainly feel a whole lot lighter. I call that a win. Don’t make life tougher for yourself than it already is. A lot of people I know, too many people if you ask me, are dealing with terminal illnesses, major surgeries and deaths of loved ones. If you’ve been through this, then you unfortunately know more than most how quickly what’s important can become so crystal clear. I know we are told over and over again how short life is but don’t ever forget it. Your world can be dismantled at any given time and you have to be okay with what you’ve done with it.
We spend so much time focusing on all the things we can’t stand about our lives and some of the people in it that we forget to appreciate and take advantage of the parts and people we love. It’s spring, so there’s no better time to clean out your closets. That’s what I’ll be up to until further notice. Join me! Get rid of the excess. Decide what you like versus what you love – there’s a difference. Focus, prioritize and make some cuts! Bye, bye, bye! Live and let die. xx
Sidenote/Fun Fact: coincidentally, N’Sync was the first major concert I ever went to (my first actual concert was O.A.R. , but a much smaller venue). Regardless, N’Sync would’ve been my very first concert of all time if my mom hadn’t found a rated R movie stub in my pants pocket when doing laundry. That was a major fail on my part…it was Something About Mary in case you’re wondering. I was an evil child wasn’t I? Word to the wise: check your pockets!
I will budget out food before I budget out my cleaning lady! #shegreat
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