I’m baAAAaaaAAAAck! As three of you might have noticed, I went off the grid in a major way. I needed a recess, a pause from the monotony, an escape from the claustrophobia that is quarantine. We all know I’m a girl who survives off adventure and it got way too groundhog day around here, so of course I took the nearest exit cause I don’t know how to stay still. There was barely a plan. It was more of a treasure map you make with crayons while drunk at a Macaroni Bar & Grill in an attempt not to eat five baskets of bread while waiting for your food. We had a vague idea of where we wanted to go. Vague in that we sat on a couch with our computers and one person would show their screen and say ‘What about this place?’ and the other person would say ‘That looks cool’ for 4 and a 1/2 hours without ever really deciding anything. Cut to 2,331 miles of road trip later – 400 more and we could have just driven to NYC – I feel rejuvenated, refreshed and ALIVE. You know those movies where there’s an evil queen and she’s haggard and old and awful looking until she sucks the youth out of some poor girl and then she’s beautiful and vivacious again? That’s me – except my forehead has hella wrinkles and I clearly don’t know the secrets to eternal physical youth because I’m not a witch. At least not officially.
I will say, however, sometimes witchy things happen in my life. I was pulling out documents for my taxes – okay so hold up, I gotta go on a tangent real quick. So I did my taxes with a few days to spare, ya know, like I do. I was legit riding shotgun en route to Idaho doing expense reports while singing to the radio. Anyways, I was told an email had been sent to me. I waited. Nothing. So finally I said something and she goes – I sent it to puurfectkitty2000. Insert blank face here. Now, this might come as a shock to some of you, but that is not nor has it ever been my email…for numerous reasons. So to puurfectkitty2000, whoever you are, I hope you’re great, I hope you’re thriving and I really hope you’re under the age of 25. What an email choice. Okay, tangent over. So as I pulled out these documents, I saw my vision book for 2020. It’s typically a board, I know, but I do books because why would I do anything normal? I stared at the back page and got chills:
Now if that’s not the witchiest thing you’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is. If you can’t see what this two party system is doing to this country – what it’s done to this country, add that to your list of things to dig into or feel free to contact me directly because I could talk about this for DAYS. But can we all agree I might have psychic powers or insane manifestation skills? Or maybe I AM a witch after all!?! I’d be down with that. As long as I’m the good witch, although I’d most likely end up being the misunderstood witch and then the ‘BURN HER’ witch and then the ‘she dead’ witch. Unless I could come back to life…my mind is a monster.
So anyways, I’m officially back. Older, wiser and better than ever. I greeted my solar return covered in glitter, spent 3 days in the pool with my boyfriend Chad the Lifeguard (he’s an intertube, calm down) AND , drum roll please, received a personal message from Bret the Hitman Hart who told me I was the ‘execution of excellence’ because I have the best friends in all the land. It was glorious and magical and everything this water sign could ask for. 2020, as we’re all aware, has been a little wild but I’ve done my best to find the silver lining in all of it. I grew up in a lot of ways the last year but I know I’ve got a ways to go. The following 365, I vow to be better at listening to voicemails, trying to give cats a chance (TRYING), learning the real lyrics to songs instead of singing my own, returning phone calls, being nicer to people from Pittsburg, math, putting a more genuine effort into potential relationships, ACTUALLY reading the material for my book club and communicating my feelings vocally and clearly. This year is already rough, I figured what the hell, right?
The world will never be the same again, nor should it. Pre-rona days are gone. I drink seltzers like water, I rarely know what day it is and my wardrobe is what Sporty Spice’s dreams were made of. Are 40 hour work-days necessary? Do we need people commuting everyday? Will I ever use my hairdryer again? There’s a lot to unpack. California opens and closes on an hourly basis. It’s that moment in Noises Off when one stage manager announces the curtains will rise in 10 minutes and then one minute later the other stage manager announces the show will start in 2 minutes. It’s like – what is going on over there, who is in charge and give me my money back! The restaurants are closed, but then they’re open, but not the ones with bars because they’re closed, but we have a curfew, but we don’t because it’s illegal and just kidding, the virus isn’t real, but please sign this waiver. It’s like we have our very own sign language interpreter who has no idea what she’s saying. Fantastico.
2020 is a weird one. I’m pretty sure tomorrow is today. Time means nothing anymore. I got up at 4am for a hike the other morning – who even cares. Sometimes if I let my mind wander, which she does frequently, I try to figure out how we got here and then I remember there was a nationally televised competition and the grand prize was Flava Flav and everything starts to make a lot more sense. I think change is good – it’s necessary and we’re all the better for it. The world is in constant motion, we should evolve with it. That’s physics. Or something – I don’t know, I was a theatre major and spent several hours of my degree pretending to be a cat in movement class. #Facts
I will end with this little story. When I was at my mom’s the exterminator had to come by the house. So this guy in a ghostbuster pack shows up looking like he maybe goes to raves on the weekends but for sure helps old ladies across the street and says with a straight face, “Heyyyyyyy. What’s…bugging you today?” Still straight-faced. Then he said he had to be invited into the house like a vampire. As he worked his way through and around the house, I could hear him talking smack to the bugs as if he was playing a live video game and he was a war lord. As he left, he honked his horn in this funny goodbye beat and my brother and I were laughing so hard. My point is, I just really think we all need to be a little more like this guy. Making the best of every interaction, brightening people’s days and enjoying the hell out of whatever this life is right now cause it’s the only one we’ve got. And what’s wrong with trying to be better than ever? Or trying to be better than before? That’s what growing is. To be content with status quo is to defy time – cause it goes on. So get out there and be the execution of excellence. And if you’re not putting hot sauce in your salad – you’re doing it wrong. Xx
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