Beautiful Mind

My phone is currently out of order because hiking in thunderstorms has become my new hobby.   Whoops.  So if you’ve been trying to reach me, my phone is in a bowl of rice until further notice.  Just add that to my bag of crazy.  I should probably be more concerned but I just don’t care.  I was told yesterday that a pair of earrings I lent to someone was lost and I wasn’t even a little bit upset, which isn’t like me.  Not that I would throw a fit and go bounty hunting but I just shrugged and thought guess I’ll never see those things again.  I chose not to put any energy into something that I can’t fix, which might be the most grown up thing I’ve done all year or maybe in my life to date.  I’ve learned that you’re more in control of how you react to something than you think.  Of all the enemies I’ve acquired in this lifetime (thousands I’m sure), my mind has without a doubt been the worst.  I’m doing my best to stand up to her…finally.

I am 17 days into the Whole30 and if you would have told me I was capable of this a year ago, I would have taken a shot of bourbon, laughed in your face and smashed a piece of pizza.  I did Disneyland on this thing, okay?  Why?  Because I hate myself apparently.  If you heard rumors about a 30-something blonde running around Disney eating chicken out of a bag like a homeless person, that was me.  Honestly, it wasn’t so bad except for that my bags of snacks ran out around 1pm.  But I prevailed, I stuck to it.  And if you love soft pretzels the way that I do, then you know how hard this was for me.  Hell, if I can do that, I believe I’ll sprout wings and fly to Neverland by March.  Anything you do, is a state of mind.  It’s pretty insane what you’re capable of when you challenge yourself and commit to something.

The last 2 weeks have not only changed the way I look at food, but skyrocketed my paranoia – as if I need another conspiracy theory to believe in.  I am convinced that we are being systematically poisoned by the food we are sold.  There is sugar in medicine, there is sugar in mayo, there is sugar in EVERYTHING because it’s cheap and it helps food last longer.  GROSS.  If you don’t believe me, read The Obesity Code, which I just finished.  My doctor was raving about it, saying it was the cure to obesity in America and she was right.  Highly recommend.  I know I’m usually one for dragons and epic love stories but this book was fantastic.  Read it.   Alas, I have finally passed the sugar craving portion of the Whole30, where I was just tired and sad and spending a lot of time staring at the bottles of wine in my kitchen dreaming of better days.  The fact that wine doesn’t even sound good makes me question who I am anymore.  What is life?

If you follow me at all on social media, you know that I’ve been frequenting the grocery a lot more than usual.  I was in line at the grocery after work the other night and everyone was trying to get in their alcohol purchases before 2am – which …WHY is that a thing anymore?  Is it like Daylight savings?  I have searched on google for well over 45 minutes and can find nothing.  I remember in college we couldn’t buy alcohol on Sundays.  WHY?  Is this where America draws the economical line?  No alcohol for 4 hours?  Yeah that’ll help em.  I just want to understand the purpose behind this law.  I want to be in the room when that decision was made.  How’d that go down?  Another dumb law made by a group of men.  ‘Let’s just ban it for a few hours once a week for no reason whatsoever’ while some other guys were like ‘We’re going to ban it the whole day so people will have to drive to Ohio!’.  Insert golf claps and back pats.  Anyways, this toupee, sweatsuit wearing couple in front of me threw a very gay fit over the fact that people with alcohol were getting to check out before them.  To the point that they started yelling about it and made up a story about their cat being so sick he was practically dead.  Meanwhile, I’m laughing inside of my sweatshirt because who needs 17 cans of cat food for an almost dead cat?

It feels pretty good to face my worst enemy and come out feeling strong.  I have struggled with my body the majority of my life – as a lot of women I know have.  I don’t have all the answers and I’m not a pro and I’m not perfect and I certainly will be having pizza again but this is a baby step I needed to know I was capable of taking.  You should know that so much is possible when you believe.  Habits are hard to break, but not impossible.  Your mind has the power of taking you to places you’ve never been, of dreams, of magic – it’s where you create and the origins of everything you feel.  Your mind has the power to make your world more beautiful.  So whatever it is you want to do or be or wherever it is you want to go or see, make it happen.  It starts with you.  Beautiful mind, beautiful life. Xx