Blood Wolf

Happy Thursday everyone!  Here’s a fun tip for you – don’t go hiking with whitestrips in.  Bad combo – unless you enjoy being miserable, which I’m learning as I get older, some people are super into.  These people cannot be saved – not even by a truck bed full of puppies.  On a brighter note, I can’t express to you how financially savvy it is to be sober.  On top of that, everything I consume comes out of my fridge.  It’s a weird life I’m living.  I’ve said no to pizza more times than I can count and it sorta makes me feel like a traitor to myself, my family and everything that is good in this world.  Cause, let’s be honest, if I was a superhero I’d either be Madam Secretary of Sarcasm or the Pizza Professor.  #Fact  At the same time, it also makes me wonder what else I’m capable of if I’d only put my mind to it.  20 more days till I can enjoy a tall delicious glass of champs…ugh I just drooled a little.  I’m thirsty…literally.

I went to a vision board party the night of the Super Blood Wolf Moon.  Yes, you read that correct.  A lot’s happening there, let’s dissect.  Vision Board Parties:  things middle-aged people, predominantly women, do in an effort to reign in their universe and manifest their desires.  Also an excuse for gathering loved ones and consuming alcohol in a classy, we aren’t degenerates, look at how stately we are, how are any of us single (?!) way.  Side Note:  watching people drink is not very fun.  Watching people drink sparkling rosé is actual medieval torture.  Super Blood Wolf Moon:  google it.  It’s actually very interesting.  I learned that the first full moon of the year is called a Wolf Moon.  In my well over three decades of life, I never heard such a thing and now I’m mad I’ve never had wolf moon party and my entire life has been a joke.  Anyways, when I sat down to make my vision board I honestly contemplated drawing a dick on a post-it and showing up.  (sorry mom)  But I took a big breath, searched my soul and ended up making a vision book (shocker) of things I would like to witness for myself this year.  It’s  like a grown-up Christmas List of things Santa, not only, can’t deliver but can’t afford.  Mine was all about taking better care of my heart, honesty, travel and creation.  I love all of those things so frickin’ much it makes me smile like a pageant girl just thinking about em.

In my vision book, I also drew a stick figure and he had a name tag that said “I am not an asshole” which would seem vague but every girl on the west coast who knows what I’m dealing with is nodding their head going YUP with pursed lips and a montage of their dating resume flying through their head.  So dear, long-haired, maybe even a scrunchie man-bun Jesus, please send boats of wholesome Midwest men who chop wood in their spare time and want to build me bookshelves and have morals and love sports and are obsessed with giving foot rubs to my front door  – but not in a Dirty John kind of way because I watched that show and he’s psychotic and to be honest I was totally convinced all of those smoothies were laced with poison, not that anyone would try to be with me for my money – because you and I both know my net worth is somewhere around a case of Coors Light, a box of 1/2 burnt candles and a bottle of hot sauce – but you know what I mean – no crazies ok?  I don’t care if they look like Jason Momoa, I want – actually if they look like that I could deal with a tiny bit of crazy.  Just kidding – kind of.  Real talk though, I saw a video of Jason Momoa taking a bath eating bolognese and drinking a Guinness.  I mean….COME ON.  Where can I find your doppelgangers?  I’ll take three please.  Drooling a little again…

I have a feeling I’m going to have to suck it up and watch Tidying Up on Netflix and get some of these clothes out of my kitchen cabinets.  I have been told several times that I need to physically and metaphorically clean out my closet.  Rude.  Although I do have a 72″ flat screen TV that has been under my bed for almost five years because I am convinced I can fix the bulbs and it will be as good as new.  I’m an idiot sometimes.  Just one degree short of a hoarder.  So you could say there is some clout to what they’re saying.  Alas, I think it’s time to start fresh and get back to basics.  It’s going to be a long hard soul searching process, but I think in the end I’ll feel lighter and, dare I say, stronger.  Just add that to my list of things to do as if I don’t have a thousand other things on deck.  How do you buy time?  Anyone?

They say you make time for things that are important to you, so I guess I will have to “make the time” out of my dreams and shitty Groupon sheets – which are also on my list of things to rectify.  Another fun tip- don’t buy sheets on Groupon unless you enjoy sleeping on parchment paper or fly Spirit Airlines.  Also, here’s another fun tip – don’t forget there are two sides to every story and education is KEY.  Be smart and knowledgeable about what you’re talking about or what you’re posting or what you believe in.  Not only so other people will take you seriously, but so that you can stand strong on your own two feet.  Journalism is pretty much crap these days and we need to start holding each other accountable in a crusade for truth and unity.  Wolfpack, you feel me?  See you again next week when I will be 7 days closer to WINE IN MY MOUTH, nom, nom, nom, and hopefully a lot less drool-y.  Hugs and Kisses to you all from afar! xo



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