Whatawonderfullifeitiswhenyourspacebarworks.  I was a few seconds away from chucking my computer into the wall in a fit of rage.  I don’t get a temper often…but when I do, I light things on fire.  Dear, Mercury.  Please explode.  Mercury is in retrograde and all communication and technology has been rendered useless.  And maybe you’re not the type who believes in astrology or anything like that but I’m telling you, it’s real and it’s happening and if you’re thinking about texting your ex – DON’T.  My cousin text me this morning asking if i drunk text her last night and normally I would be like – maybe? – but I’m on Whole30 and very sober so I was like huh?!  It was a text I sent her in…wait for it…FEBRUARY!  Now I’m sitting here wondering who else I “text” in the wee hours of the night.  My phone is out to ruin my life…and doing a bang up job I might add.  I’m telling you, trust nothing – your phone is a lie.  I recommend a coma until it’s over.

In other news, the container I had my soup in wasn’t entirely sealed and now my purse is soaked and smells like mirepoix.  Awesome.  It always amazes me the things I take for granted.  For instance, if your spacebar is working, praise be.  My neighbor, no joke, got locked INSIDE of her apartment last week.  Who even knew that was possible?  Let’s give a huge shout out to doors that open and close.  When I broke my arm, I couldn’t shave my right armpit – so if you are capable of shaving the areas of your body you would like to, take a moment and count your blessings.  Are you able to chew your food without having momentary bouts of suffocation?  YASSSS unstuffed noses around the world.  You have running water?  YEAH YA DO!!!  HYDRO CONFETTI!!!  My apartment complex seems to have a water issue every other day so it’s been turned off a lot lately and it’s ANNOYING to say the least.  I’m spoiled and I don’t even realize it.  What a world it is!

Real talk, I have been in a funk lately.  A MAJOR funk.  I’ve been anti-social, I’ve been thinking not very nice things about myself and have been feeling an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and shame.  Not for any one particular reason but an overall jacket of YUCK.  I don’t think I’m alone – a lot of my friends have been feeling the same way.  Just lethargic, melancholy and all around no thank you.  Who knew a one hour time change would wreck my world so hard?  It’s a million o’clock all the time.  My bedtime has gone from 3am to trying to make it past 6pm.  Who am I?  My friend dragged me out of my batcave to walk around a garden park – a real ‘stop and smell the roses’ moment.  Nature, for the most part, makes me very happy.  For the part that doesn’t:  are my ankles covered in mosquito bites?  YES.  If I could punch a mosquito in the face, I would.  What is their contribution to the circle of life?  From what I’ve gathered they’ve done nothing but create a catastrophic dinosaur park.  I say they go.

So anyways, I’ve been feeling a little blue lately.  So in an effort to reverse these feelings, I have turned to self care.  Yeah, yeah – blah blah- roll your eyes, but self care is actually very important and not something I ever put a lot of thought into so THIS IS A BIG DEAL and I need you to pretend to care, okay?  The acupuncture appointment was a success.  I didn’t cry or scream or faint or DIE.  I for sure haven’t sat still for that long outside of sleeping in YEARS.  I’m not a big meditator for the same reasons I’m not into yoga – I don’t like sitting still or holding poses or sitting around and waiting.  I don’t think the word peaceful or focused comes to mind when people are asked to describe me.  So I did it and for thirty minutes I did nothing.  Doing nothing is extremely hard for me – I’m always doing something…always.  I don’t know how to sit still.  Who can sit still for that long? and Why?  So perhaps I will find more peace through acupuncture eh?  I’ve started the Whole30 again.  Day 4 is almost over.  26 more to go. 

I just want to say to anyone out there feeling this way:  it’s okay not to be okay.  I am not always okay.  And, yes, there are people out there who have it worse than I do and are dealing with way more important matters but everything is subjective and I’m entitled to embrace what I’m feeling.  We all are.  I can’t negate how I feel, I can’t tell myself not to feel something because what I’m feeling is very real.  All of our feeling are valid.  Sometimes I get in the dumps and I don’t know how to get out of them.  And then later I’ll confess to my friends how I was feeling and they’re all like, why didn’t you call me?  It’s like because I don’t want to talk to anyone.  It’s like this sad version of myself I don’t like sharing with other people – she’s not very fun or peppy or entertaining or awesome at all.  She sucks.  I don’t know why I find it so hard to find my happy but I think we all do from time to time and that’s okay – it’s a part of the ride.  If you’re having a rough week too – figure out what brings you joy and make sure you try to implement that into your every day.  That’s what I’m doing and day by day I’m getting there but man it is hard to find your way out of a funk sometimes.  You’re not alone.  You got this. Xx 



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