I am currently watching The Mistletoe Secret on the Hallmark channel and, truth be told, it should have stayed a secret. Yikes. And if I say that, that it must be really bad because I love romance more than you love your boyfriend. I am a hooker for corny rom-coms but I vote NO to the secret of the mistletoe. It is, however, hopeful in that Jodie Sweetin stars in it proving that you CAN turn your life around. From Full House to meth to Hallmark – I call that a win. Maybe that’s what I should do – write screenplays for Hallmark. They could use some content with…what do you call it? Oh, right. SUBSTANCE. Maybe that’s my true calling. It’s always about a woman in a small town whose business needs help, a man comes in as an “advisor”, they spend a lot of time together, there’s always an awkward dance, 9 times out of 10 there’s mistletoe and then they fall in love and live happily ever after. Piece of cake. What is completely cliche and would never happen in real life? WRITE THAT. GO. And no one else in the town is ever single – unless there’s a widow. Hallmark loves a widow. It’s so predictable. I wonder what a Shakespeare version of a Hallmark movie would look like. I think I’m on to something y’all! My writing partner is going to read this with a severe eye roll. I’m kidding, okay?…mostly.
While we are on the topic of romance I have a confession: I subscribe to Passionflix. Yes, it’s a real thing. It’s a streaming service that specializes in nothing but romance. It’s created for ramma lamma ding dongs like myself. AND I LOVE IT. There should be a Christmas streaming service for all you crazies who wanna celebrate Christmas on November 1. You’re a cult. I’m now watching a commercial and Lady Gaga’s BFF from A Star is Born has his own Crown Royal commercial and I’m wondering if he gets free Crown for life now. Is that how that works? If I were to do a vodka commercial, would I get free vodka for the rest of my life? CAUSE I AM INTERESTED! I’m a strategist, just not in the normal or NASA sense. I’m a street strategist…or an idiot, take your pick.
I saw Christmas lights today. On a house. In the public. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet. Can we pump the breaks on the Christmas-ing? Can we celebrate the fake dinner we had with the natives first? Let’s celebrate one out of hand thing at a time shall we? Before we know it, Christmas is going to be an all year round affair and and your fir tree is going to be just another house plant. Speaking of which, I’ve never had a Christmas tree in my LA apartment and I’m wondering if this is the year I get one…hmmmm. Sounds like a lot of work and not sure how to feel about it. I don’t have the best track record with plants. My one plant has been in the ICU for a few weeks now and it’s a real touch and go situation. I can’t be trusted. You’ve seen my life.
Still on Whole30 and going strong. Ohhhhhh, I’m (almost) halfway theeeere…OOOooooooh-OH! It’s been a conscious effort and traveling does NOT help but I’ve been putting myself first and making all the right choices which is something new and different. Feels like a trendy jacket I’m trying to look comfortable in. I’ll get there one day. Do I secretly want to eat a bowl of mac n cheese drowned in hot sauce? You bet my ass I do but sometimes you gotta think of the long haul and make the hard decisions. It’s actually a wonderful opportunity for the indecisive like myself. My decision making skills are equivalent to the talents of those featured on Nailed It. Sophie’s Choice would have been a much different movie if I had played the lead role. Paper, rock, scissor would have been involved and if that failed, I would have moved on to short straw draw. That’s why when I love something, I stick with it until it literally falls apart. It’s called strategy, bro.
I am now realizing I have no idea what any of this is about but here we are and I hope you enjoyed all of my rambling. I’m not good for much, but RAMBLING I can do! Life has been a little rough around the edges lately so I hope you’ve found your oasis in the midst of all of it. The eye of the storm if you will. Somedays all you want to do is take a bubble bath and you’re stuck with a walk-in shower. Life never ceases to surprise me – in good ways, in bad ways, in things that make you go hmmmmmm ways. My life is a bit of a 4th of July explosion – and I’m learning every day to be more and more okay with that. Particularly, I think about the movie Titanic. Not the part where Jack just drifts into the ocean because between the two of them they couldn’t figure out physics but when Jack is at the table with all the high society and says,”I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you…” There isn’t another person at that table I’d rather be. I like money, but I’ve never let it define me. Marrying rich or ‘having a huge rock’ means nothing to me. Love is my currency. Happiness is my end game. Always has been and always will be. Maybe my rambling does have a point sometimes. To making it count.
Love, Me & Jack Dawson (as I wish I was shoving a piece of bread into my mouth nonchalantly like I imagine Oprah does in her closet when no one is watching)