As I have a tendency to do from time to time, I went down a rabbit hole the other day. I am Alice in Wonderland’s third cousin, once removed, for sure. This time it was watching movie trailers on youtube. I mean, I really went for it. All the way down I went. I texted my friend about some of the movies and how excited I was to see them. I’m describing the plots, the cast, all my feelings about it. And if you’ve ever text with me you know you get a million tiny texts and not long ones. Not a big fan of long chunks of text. It stresses me out. I know I’m insane. Anyways, she responds – what are you watching? I’m like – movie trailers. She goes – yeah I get that, but some of those movies came out like, 3 years ago. And then I laughed for 5 hours. It got me thinking. How much has passed me by? And I’m not just talking about movies. Life is obviously much larger than that. I’m talking about people on the street, memories that have turned to dust, conversation, dancing, all of it! There’s so much happening all around us. I wonder if we’re doing our best to take it all in. Are we soaking in the moments or letting them slip by?
I believe Aerosmith, particularly Steven Tyler, screamed it best. I don’t wanna close my eyes/ I don’t wanna fall asleep/ Cause I’d miss you, babe/And I don’t wanna miss a thing. I know the lyrics are about falling in love, but maybe they’re about life too. Close your eyes and you might miss a smile, a rainbow, a red flag, an adventure, a connection with a stranger. Or perhaps I should be saying, lift your eyes from the screen or you might miss a whole world of opportunity. I see groups of people all the time – each one of them on the phone – more intrigued by what is going on elsewhere. Nowadays you can be in a room full of people where no one is speaking to one another and it’s not even weird. Between our phones, tablets, computers and TVs, we have everything we need at our fingertips. Or do we? Is it all just a distraction? I’ve said this bunches and I’ll say it again: We only post on social media when we’re feeling high and we only scroll through social media when we’re feeling low.
I am also a firm believer in filtering some of what goes on around me. I have found that in an effort to preserve my general cheery disposition, it’s best I’m not in the know all the time. I try to keep the social media accounts I follow to people I personally know, except for Jason Momoa. DUH. I do not need to know what any of my exes are up to. I don’t keep up with politics as best as I should. On the whole, I find it majorly depressing. I don’t watch CNN regularly. In fact, I rarely ever watch the news or read the newspaper. My interest in newspapers lies in the crossword section. I’m a sucker for solving puzzles. I’m for sure not your source for current events. I’m not completely ignorant. I do my research when necessary but I do think having a filter and being aware of the types of things that absorb your attention is important. Kind of like how you are the company you keep.
I want to make everyday count. I want them to matter. I am at the point in my life where I know I will never be bored again. There is too much to do and not enough time to do it. I never got to finishing Marie-Kondo-ing my apartment, so I’m surrounded by a bunch of stuff that does not bring me joy, which gives me minor anxiety from day to day but I have so many other things to do beyond folding all of my clothes into tiny squares. There are so many shows “I HAVE to watch” that I’ve lost count. Team that with the fact that I’m not watching as much TV anymore and it’s a list I’ll never get to complete. There are so many things I want to write I could fill up an entire network’s slate for years and there are so many places I want to go, I could sell my apartment and travel for all eternity and be totally fine with my life. Put me on a plane, I don’t care where I’m going. Take me with you. I want to drink wine and have good conversation. I crave substance.
There are times in life you gotta change your way of looking at something. If you don’t, you’ll drown. Love yourself just the slightest bit harder. Take back a little control so that you no longer feel like a shell in the ocean being pulled and dragged along the sand. It is so very easy to let schedules and appointments and work dictate your life. Rebel. Don’t fall for it. Leave room for spontaneity. Do yourself a favor and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Imagine a world where comparison, envy and standards no longer exist. Isn’t it beautiful? Don’t you want to live there? Chase the moments. Don’t let them pass you by. As Jenna says in The Waitress, “…become addicted to saying things and having them matter to somebody.” Live the life you imagine. Find your oasis. Your champagne supernova in the sky.
This is for my cousin, Gus. He was all that kind was meant to be and now the world has a little less of it. I pray he’s found the peace he could not find on this Earth. To him and to all of my family, especially Jane, AJ & Andrea – forever hugs and endless love. XO