I can only hope that one day when I win an Oscar, whatever comes out of my mouth is poignant, bleep-less and spoken without a piece of paper that looks like a CVS receipt. God, who doesn’t want a little more Olivia Coleman in their life? The first hostless Oscars in 30 years – which didn’t really do anything other than to prove that we don’t need one. Am I right? It’s pretty crazy that it all goes down a few blocks from my apartment. They roll out a red carpet on Hollywood Boulevard, a street that is typically flooded with tourists, a bunch of people dressed in costumes that looked like they escaped from a burning building and pee…like, so much pee. All of a sudden, for one night, it’s the most glamorous place on Earth. What a world we live in. Is it a night of luck? A night of fate? Are our cards predetermined by the stars or are our choices truly that? Is the path we forge our own because we designed it or simply because we are living it?
I have always been curious how my life is orchestrated. Am I doing it right? Am I an avatar? Would someone bet on me? Am I a Miss Scarlet or a Mrs. White? Would I be the Scottish Terrier in the game of Monopoly or the thimble? And let’s be honest, nobody ever wants to be the thimble. Does anyone even use thimbles anymore? Don’t fret, I did the research already. The answer is – I think so? The thimble market is quite fascinating. Ranging from a $1 to $1,322, there’s something for everyone. Or no one. It’s a toss up. Nothing like a game of Monopoly to bring out the crazy in anyone. And if you’ve never played with tequila – don’t. With my family, it’s more of a blood sport. A lot of yelling, threats and all around fury. Apparently a man in Georgia set his house on fire with his brother and mother still in it because of an argument about Cheez-its. I get it. Anyway, back to destiny. We are magnets held to the Earth and bound to a unique adventure. Personally, I’ve always imagined life like those quizzes you take where you end up in one inevitable circumstance but there are different ways of getting there. Like a choose your own adventure perhaps. I don’t know. What do I know? I just googled thimbles for 30 minutes (sigh).
And then I write all of that out and begin to wonder if this is the point in my life where I realize I’ve turned into a total toontown. Am I crazy? My only reassurance in this department is that all of the good ones usually are. I don’t want to be normal. I don’t want to be vanilla and I certainly don’t want to be basic, but I also don’t want to be some borderline banana human that ends up the subject of a doc series on Amazon in 5 years. You know? Then I saw the Nike commercial that’s gone viral and all seemed right with the world again. If you haven’t seen it, here’s what you missed:
I don’t care if you’re a boy, man, dog or butthead – that is inspiring AF. If that doesn’t make you wanna walk out the door and march right up to someone and tell them exactly what is on your mind, quit the job you hate and then confess your love to a stranger, I don’t know what will. I even thought about running a marathon while I watched. The thought has passed now, but for a fleeting moment, it was there! You only live once – why waste it doing anything that doesn’t make you feel alive? Marie Kondo not only your garage but your LIFE. Clean it up. Cut the fat. I’ve realized this year more than ever that I’ve been holding on to useless superfluous crap in all different aspects of my life that I do not need. Those pants I’m going to turn into shorts. NO. My tax returns from 2001. Bye. The underwear with all the holes – but they’re SO comfortable. Let.it.go. That shirt I wore once in 2012. So long. That bridesmaid dress. And that bridesmaid dress. And that one. And that one. Adios. I have so much room in my kitchen cabinets, I don’t know what to do with myself. Here’s my progress so far. If you want any of it, come on by. Including the couch. HA. Not the lamp. Serious about the couch though.
If you’re going to fail. You may as well fail doing something you believe in. That’s just a little quote from the show Victoria – which if you don’t watch, you should. The Victorian Era really gets my blood going. All the rules, the clothing, the details, the intricacies of everything. It was certainly more uptight, which isn’t necessarily my MO, but there’s a poetry to it all that sings up my spine with a shiver. So much was left behind closed doors and so many things forbidden. The upstairs and the downstairs. The tragedy in it all, the wonder, the versions of love, the beauty of a different time. I will always and forever root for the underdog. I am a spokesperson for the impossible, a fierce believe in magic and the face of crazy. I don’t know what my destiny is or if I really have a choice in any of it, but I’ve also decided that maybe it’s not for me to know.
“Well, all I’m saying is that I want to look back and say that I did the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place… “
-Don Dawson, Dazed & Confused
So get out there and step towards whatever it is that you want while you’re stuck in this place. Dream crazier. What have you got to lose?