If I could live anywhere, it would be inside of a book. Cause let’s be honest, I don’t like a lot of people but I also love a lot of people. I’ve recently discovered I’m an introverted extrovert. I love talking but also crave silence. I’m a walking contradictions, which tracks. I’ll want to dance to loud music and crush vodka one night and curl up with a book sipping tea the next. I’m a complex soul. Mostly I’m nuts. But seriously, a day without reading is a miserable one indeed. If I could custom create a village made up of bits and pieces of the characters, storylines and places I’ve read..I mean, my heart just melted a little. A castle nestled by the sea, a sunset forever at the horizon and an adventure always afoot. These are the kind of thoughts that creep into the corners of my mind. To dream is a beautiful thing. Unless it’s about your exes. Eff that. I read a Stephen King novel in a day. This sounds like a brag. It’s not. I didn’t start the book until the day before book club, so I had to. Point being, I actually read it this time. You’re capable of anything you put your mind to. I believe that. What you believe in will find you. The universe is magical in that way.
People are weird. We do really weird things. And usually PAY to do them. Jumping out of planes, shark cages, brazilian waxes, the list goes on. I don’t know what this says about the kind of people I apparently attract in my life but I’ve been seeing a lot of pictures of people swimming with wild pigs and I’m like – but why? Why is this a thing you would ever want to do? I feel like I would get there and be like – ‘yeah, this place is awesome! Too bad there are wild pigs everywhere.’ I don’t get it. Why would you want to swim with pigs? I don’t necessarily ever want to stand near a pig, let alone swim with one. I swam with stingrays once and it was by far one of the dumbest things I’ve ever agreed to do…and I’ve done A LOT of dumb shit. Because WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO SWIM WITH A F$#%&ING STINGRAY?! I did it…because I paid for it…and it was traumatic. Because stingrays, man. I don’t know how at any point in time I was like, YES, this sounds like a totally rational amazing experience because who doesn’t want to be in the ocean surrounded by stingrays? Here is something I’ve learned about myself. I don’t want to run into animals in the wild. I like the IDEA of it but then I think about the REALITY of it and it’s like DiCaprio in The Revenant. No thank you. I spent a solid afternoon in Montana on a moose-hunt and in retrospect, it’s like congratulations, you’re an idiot. You’re a 30 something basic B who can barely put up a tent and throws tantrums over bugs, but for sure, go hunt moose. Solid plan.
If life were like the movies/tv, money would have no meaning. People lose and quit their jobs left and right and it’s like…whatever. Meanwhile I’m over here contemplating being an escort so I can live another day. I just want to be real all the time. Being fake serves no one. From now on, I’m going to treat dudes like I treat my friends. If you don’t text me back within the hour, HELLO?! EXCUSE ME ARE YOU ALIVE?! I SAW YOU POSTED AN INSTA-STORY! WHY DO HATE ME?? …so my single status should be solidly secure. But in all seriousness, why does everyone walk on eggshells with the texting and the texting back and the not texting. Stop playing games. I’M TIRED. A guy asked for my instagram the other night and it’s like – what? Is that a thing now? I don’t want to INSTAGRAM with you, bro. I want you to get my number, make sure I got home safe, tell me to have the sweetest dreams, text me when you wake up, ask me out and pick me up in a carriage like the GD prince you are!! Give me a cobblestone street and a bookstore – I don’t need your social media handle, sir. NEXT!
I don’t know who watches Vikings but as far as monogamy goes, let me explain how it works on this show. Um, it doesn’t because there isn’t any. This wife who is pregnant with this guy’s baby walks in on him with someone else says, ‘I just wanted to be sure.’ And that’s it. No psychosis. No berating or yelling when he got home. She didn’t throw all of his things out of the hut. Just like…cool, cool, cool, just checking, don’t mind me or your baby inside of me. CARRY ON! She then proceeded to encourage the two of them to get married. ?!?! Meanwhile, his FIRST wife is now married to his brother who used to SHARE a wife with their OTHER brother. You get the idea, it’s madness. And everyone is just sort of fine with it and very supportive of everyone’s choices. Meanwhile here in present time, it’s like, you even LOOK at someone the wrong way and your dick will be cut off in the middle of the night. Tires have been slashed for less. Vikings…am I right? I’m not saying they have it right, but maybe we have it wrong.
Let the wild be wild. And that’s not just for animals, that’s for people too. Each one of us has things that make us tick. Things that make us feel alive. Things that makes our hearts beat just a little bit faster. Find what you love and drench yourself in it. If you want to go swim with wild pigs, GO! Do it. Just know I think you’re wasting a lot of money doing it. If you want to jump out of a plane, YOU.ARE.A.PSYCHO. but YES! DO it!! Find that rush and live the life that edges on crazy and yet perpetual awe. Maybe that’s why I love books so much – because they are full of words and words, to me, are beautiful. They are the ingredients of magic. The potion in the sky. The way they can be arranged. The way they can define moment. The way they can take you to far away places. The way they can make you feel when said like so. We are surrounded by magic. If you don’t believe in it, however, you’ll never find it. Find the sunset…even on the darkest of days. Xx