Ever feel like you’re walking through life blindfolded in the dark searching for a pinata without a bat? Asking for a friend. The universe has always had my back but I feel like she’s testing my limits these days. Keeping my eyes peeled for that silver lining like a hawk. I know I’m not alone. A lot of people have had a rough go recently. My advice is to find the smiles. Seek laughter. I am still avoiding social media and I gotta say it’s pretty gross how many times a day I have to scold myself. It’s like my hands have a mind of their own. It’s not even a conscious thought. But every day the habit fades more and more and I feel like my time is being spent more wisely. I must admit, I have quite a bit of FOMO but I’m staying strong. At the end of the day, we’re all just doing the best we can. And sometimes that’s quite enough. Don’t forget that. We can’t be superstars all the time.
Well it was voting week. The time of year you’re looked at like a tiny bit of a Nazi if you aren’t wearing a sticker. Ya know, DEMOCRACY! It really brings us all together. Then you got every other person you come across asking if you voted. Here’s the thing, I don’t like discussing politics with most of my friends let alone acquaintances. Cause here are your options – you either say yes because you did, lie and say yes even if you didn’t to avoid mutiny or say you didn’t and then be looked at like you deserve to hang in the town square. Politics are personal. Why don’t you ask me how much I weigh while we’re at it. I think people ask questions the majority of the time not wanting the honest answer, but the expected answer. My HONEST answer would have been: THIS IS THE BEST THEY COULD COME UP WITH?! This is the best of the best of the best? I’ll just sit here with my bowl of popcorn and tiny American flag made in China and watch this country plummet further into the depths of mediocrity. This is why I quit online dating – because WHO ARE THESE IDIOTS & NO THANK YOU. As a tax paying citizen I feel like there are temp agencies who could find more capable candidates. These are my options? It’s like being forced to eat from a DMV vending machine or a Panda Express. Speaking of which, has anyone ever actually been to a Sonic? I’ve never even seen one. That’s going on my bucket list. Eat at Sonic…somewhere in between an Alaskan cruise and petting a whale’s tongue.
I fell into the gateway to psychosis crack hole that is Love is Blind and MY GOD. (SPOILERS AHEAD). If you haven’t watched this show…don’t. Long story short, these people date, fall in love and say I DO without ever seeing each other. Ever. It’s the concept that you don’t have to SEE someone to fall in love with them which, in theory, is fabulous if you’ve never been out in the public. I have. I know what’s out there. It’s like trying to find love in a haunted house. And that’s with my eyes OPEN. You think I’m going to agree to marry someone I’ve never even seen? I don’t want to marry anyone I have seen. This is how homicidal maniacs and people who live with 12 parrots find love. And this does not make me superficial, it makes me realistic. And if I’m being the realist in matters of the heart, then it must be batshit because I am the biggest champion for love there is.
This guy was like, ‘she’s the most beautiful girl in the room.’ I’m like SHE’S THE ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THE ROOM, ya DING! At one point, this man who claims to be a ‘scientist’ and by far the whitest guy on the show raps for his future mother in law and it’s like…please stop. I don’t care if you’re Eminem…shut it down. And Jessica – I don’t know where you are right now but I bet you’re drinking red wine and stalking Barnett & Amber on social media and I bet you’re doing it alone because you’re AWFUL. Honestly I think that was the producer’s only job – give Jessica red wine. Someone tweeted “Good morning to everyone but Jessica from Love is Blind” – I couldn’t agree more.
I watched three people get turned down at the altar. THREE. All the family and friends at the wedding were so confused. I have never heard such tentative claps at a wedding in my life. No one knew whether to be happy or to be like WHAT THE F#$% ARE YOU DING-A-LINGS DOING?! If anyone claps like that at my wedding, we’re starting the whole thing over so you can try again. And my favorite is the people that said no at the altar were whispering I love you the whole while leading up to it. Here’s the deal, and I need to be VERY clear about this. If you are going to dump/leave/ruin/disappoint me, don’t you dare preface that with or even mention that you love me in the same sentence/hour/day/week because at that point, it doesn’t matter anymore and you can take that love and stuff it up your butt and be constipated forever.
What a waste of time. Will I be watching the reunion later tonight? You bet. Somebody put me to bed. I’m a monster. And now the bachelor is doing some version called ‘listen to your heart’ where you have to watch these idiots sing? I can’t. Television these days is mostly flaming garbage. It’s overly saturated. I don’t need to watch a bunch of creeps fall in love through frosted glass, I don’t need to see Pete the pilot make one hotdog decision after the next, what I NEED is a new season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So in my attempt to avoid social media and television, I’ve been reading A LOT. Like an insane amount. There are worse vices. So if you’re ever wondering what I’m doing – I’m reading a book and doing the best I can. At the end of the day, at least I’m not looking for love and drowning in red wine on a reality television show. And that’s a win for today Xx
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