Thanks

I don’t know why I’m surprised every year I have to post on Thanksgiving. And yet, here I am, mystified beyond belief. While I have a very twisty relationship with the historical origins of this day, I can step back enough to appreciate the sentiment of being thankful. Personally, I have had some of my life’s greatest adventures this year. I’ve gotten to know some of my friends better than ever without the distractions of the world around us. While I know it has pulled some people further apart, it’s drawn others closer. It’s made a lot of us slow down and take a step away from the hustle and the bustle. It’s given some of us more time with family. It’s shifted people’s ideas of exploring and revived the road trip. It’s given a lot of you who normally work at the office some extra time at home and maybe you’re appreciative of that time or maybe it makes you more appreciative of work – either way, you’re more appreciative. It’s made us realize the value of our teachers, the things we’ve taken for granted and the value of human touch. We’ve had to get a little more creative in how we spend our time. We’ve noticed things we never had before – like how loud certain people breathe and why people chew their food like that.

Kevin Hart is under fire once again. This time it’s for putting his daughter in a onesie that said Fuck on it. (Ma, brace yourself) In his defense, it’s crossed out but can everyone seriously spice up their life? Why are you worried about how a man WHO YOU DON’T KNOW PERSONALLY dresses his baby? Cause guess what? I DO NOT CARE. You wanna know why? Because it’s not my baby, the baby can’t read and it has no affect on my life or yours whatsoever. What’s a bad word anyway? In what era and in what land was it decreed that FUCK was such a bad word? Just all of a sudden in the creation of language, someone was like – All these words mean the same thing should we get rid of a few? And someone else was like – how about if we say it this way, it makes it naughty! Shall we? Oh yes! Let’s! Such good fun! – and then they clapped in admiration of themselves like people with dumb ideas do. Here’s a novel idea – Let people live their lives! Leave Kevin Hart alone, leave his kids’ clothes alone. Just shut up and stuff some turkey in your mouth and look around the table at your kids and ask yourself how top notch your parenting has been. Glass houses people, GLASS HOUSES. You’re a better parent because your kid’s onesie has a sunflower on it? Ugh, please get hobbies immediately. Start a curling team, find the best donut in town, get a girlfriend, learn how to play chess, study all those languages you were going to learn 9 months ago and just STOP doing your part in turning this world into a bunch of nimbly bimbly ‘we’re the worst’ KARENS!!! (sorry actual Karens who don’t suck)

Let’s talk about more ridiculousness. Chappelle is making headlines asking people to boycott his show because Viacom has the rights to it, under contract, and keeps selling it to streaming services. Don’t get me started on contracts – written in such a way people get paid 6 figures a year just to tell other people what it all means. It’s ridiculous. I feel like I just went on this tirade recently, but I’ll do it again. If you’d just write the contracts in NORMAL FUCKING ENGLISH, I wouldn’t need to hire a lawyer to decipher why anyone in good conscious would ever put words together in this manner. It’s essentially hieroglyphics. I imagine the first person to ever read a contract looked up and was like – wtf is all this? And then a group of men snickered amongst themselves and said ‘Well…we could tell you. But we’d have to charge.’ And then they all danced their way to the bank to the tune of Milkshake. I have found NO other reason for legalities to be written they way they are other than to intentionally confuse the common human for job security while procuring an obscene amount of money. It’s insane. I wish people would pay me 6 figures to translate Shakespeare into layman’s terms. I wish people would pay me 6 figures for anything really…

But back to the point, what Chappelle is talking about is what every young artist ever deals with. These bigwig networks and corporations and industry giants take advantage of up and coming artists who are trying to get their proverbial foot in the door. People always trying to dig their claws into you and make money off of your work and your talents. It’s the sad but honest truth. We’ve seen the headlines on Taylor Swift dealing with it now and also fighting back to get the rights to HER OWN MUSIC. And I understand they signed contracts and this is how it works but I think what they’re trying to say and what I agree with is that it’s not right. Chappelle said it best, as per usual. He said ‘look at how much money Chappelle Show has made you and then look at how much you’ve paid me.’ If THIS is what the big names are up against, imagine what the rest of us are dealing with. Those of us with no clout just trying to make a living, hell even get by, doing what we love. I don’t think anyone should be getting paid more for an artist’s talents, than the artist themself. The greed of humans will never cease to amaze me in matters of money, business and even the heart. I remember when I was applying for college, my guidance counselor kept saying I should focus on a more stable career path…but I just wasn’t wired for stability. I’m a creature of passion. Always have been. And what I do is worth something.

But greed is what this holiday is all about anyway, right? Laugh, it’s a joke. And for those of you rolling your eyes right now, you’re entitled to that but let’s not forget history in its most accurate fashion. If you’ve never heard Eddie Izzard talk about Thanksgiving, please indulge:

This year has been a real mixed bag. I feel like I’m starring in the Groundhog Day version of ‘What’s behind door #3’. Due to Covid, my family and I will not be together this year BUT I think it could do us all some good to take a moment and dwell on the things and the moments we are grateful for this year. We will get through this one way or another. We just have to start looking at things a little differently. Create your new normals. I worked out with a case of Bud Light, wine bottles and Welch’s grape jelly yesterday. Ideal? No. Inventive. You bet. Motivating? VERY. You’ve got this. And for those of you who think I’m stubborn – I tried pumpkin pie again for the first time in over two decades and guess what? Still hate it. It tastes like solidified vomit and you’re all nuts…yuck. And for anyone who is bored, there are A LOTTA couples looking for a third wheel on Bumble. YOU’RE WELCOME. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I’ve been drinking mimosas since 8am – catch up. Xx

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