Well it’s official. Jill’s husband is our 46th President. I don’t care if you’re right-winged, left-winged, webbed-footed, black, blue, or blind – how Trump left the White House was childish and displayed a complete lack of character. It has been 152 years since a living President has not attended his successor’s inauguration. 152 years. Have some grace, climb over your ego. Instead, he and his wife fled off to Florida. It tracks. Trump did leave a letter for Biden which I imagine is written in crayon – seriously though, I’d LOVE to know what it says. Melania didn’t give Jill a tour of the WH which is really disappointing because I would have PAID MONEY to witness that. I saw a lot of hate towards Pence all over social media which I found excessive. Hey, at least the guy showed up! And in a display no one saw coming, MOVE OVER JLO and Gaga, my boy Bernie stole the show with his home-sewn mittens, brown shoes with black pants and general look of – this about done? Can I go yet? I cannot express how much I adore this man. He could give two flying flamingos about the theatrics of politics and I.am.here.for.it. All I’m saying is if he was POTUS, our tax dollars would not be wasted on wardrobe, hair and makeup. I’m not wrong. Ugh, what I wouldn’t give to see live music right now.
If you’ve never watched your DNA travel all over the country, I imagine this is what it’s like when you have children and they’re not answering your texts but you can see where they are on your phone. I mailed my 23&Me kit and have been following the tracking #, obviously – precious cargo, and it’s like watching Carmen SanDiego on an art rampage except it’s my life. It was in AZ for a few days and now it’s in NC which makes ZERO sense granted I mailed it from OH and the lab is apparently in CA. I’m for sure going to end up in jail, framed for murder. In other totally regular Thursday news, my family and I were discussing how we would like to be buried, you know, like we do. When I was younger I wanted to be buried in my swimsuit wrapped in an American flag. Not a joke. How patriotic, right? I’ve since changed my wishes and revealed I’d like a Viking ceremony where you put me on a boat, light it on fire and send me out to sea. I told them the creek in the backyard would be just fine. No one seemed into it except for me.
I know a lot of people get uncomfortable with the topic of death but, for better or for worse, it is not unfamiliar to me. It’s something I think about from time to time. It kinda loses its sadness and sentimentality when you learn they sell 2 for 1 plots and try to upsell you on gravestones. Death, like anything else, is a business. A very lucrative business. I wonder things like, what picture will they use? what stories will they tell? how will I be remembered? Not in a morbid way persay, but in a ‘my life is going to end one day, inevitably (unless I meet my vampire), so I should probably mock up some requests so it’s not a depressing sobfest featuring a picture of me looking like a gremlin.’ Trust me, if you knew my family, you’d be worried too – they like jokes. There’s a file on my computer with all the details I’ve come up with so far. It will be a party, there will be pineapple pizza and an exorbitant amount of 90s music you’d never thought you’d hear again. Yes, Goo Goo Dolls, Roxette and Ben Folds will all be in attendance. And pyrotechnics. Lots of pyrotechnics that will not result in catastrophic forest fires.
But it does make you wonder, right? What pieces of you will last far longer than your heart? What will they say once you’re gone? I know, I know, we’re not supposed to care what other people think, but confession – I do. I like being liked. (shrug) I’m just being honest. I think everyone, to some extent, cares about what other people think except for Kanye and other narcissists who love themselves so much they couldn’t possibly have the wherewithal to take on affection from anyone else because it might smudge the idol of perfection they’ve created in their very tiny psychopathic minds. Whoo! Cheers to narcissists! Speaking of narcissists, I was working a premiere party a few years back and Oprah was there with security so tight, my coworker was swatted away like a fly when he got too close. Note – don’t get too close to Oprah. Second note, the lead in was a joke, calm down. Anyway, she made a speech about being remembered and the choices you make. In it she said, “Your legacy is every life you touch.” It really struck a chord with me. It’s how you treat people, how you make them feel. It’s your vibe. That’s what you leave behind. Not the things you’ve acquired, your accomplishments, your worth, your mistakes or the things you didn’t get to but the people you crossed paths with along the way in one way or another.
Once you think of life as a roadmap of people you’ve met, loved, danced with, laughed with, shared drinks with, cried in front of, walked past, sat next to, worked with, made eye contact with or talked to, it changes things a bit. For me it does especially because I have the tendency to feel like I need to leave a travelling circus in my wake. It tames my mind which leans towards the overdramatic and simplifies it all. One of my favorite compilations I love to watch on YouTube is Usain Bolt fist-bumping volunteers before his races. The smiles that burst from their faces give me so much joy, I can’t help but smile with them. That’s what I want to leave behind. Smiles and laughter…and maybe some Tito’s. I asked myself the other day why I still write these. I started this almost 5 years ago with no real plan in mind but that I have a head full of words and it’s nice to organize them into coherent thoughts once in awhile. So I thought it over and it came down to the little comments I get every week – whether I made them laugh or feel understood or learn something new. My favorite is when I hear from people I didn’t even know read this and I’m reminded that no matter where I am, my words can reach people from all different parts of my life, all over the world – even strangers, and that if even a single sentence resonates with someone, that in itself is magical and worth it. At the end of the day, writing makes me happy and I’ll keep doing it in any capacity I can until it doesn’t. I’d also like to mention that when I was mulling this over, I asked my own mother who said she would not pay a dollar to read this if I started charging. THANKS MA.
But, as we know, one day all good things must come to an end and I know this is going to come as a REAL shocker to a lot of you, but Clare and Dale from The Bachelorette have broken up. Gasp! I know, I KNOW. They met on national TV, knew each other for two weeks, got engaged and it still didn’t work out. SHOCK & AWE. I really thought this was gonna last forever. Especially when Clare would talk about babies and Dale’s eyes would full on cartoon-bulge out of his head. On a much more serious note, I finally watched the last Trebek Jeopardy!…the days of Alex Trebek are gone and that makes me terribly sad. He was a staple in my life – especially this last year. Truth be told, sometimes it was the only thing I had to look forward to all day. He said he only wished he’d met his wife sooner so they’d have had more time together. He met her when he was 47, which is inspirational in itself. So to you Alex, wherever you are, thank you. For your brilliance, your character, your heart and the outstanding legacy you left behind. I think we could all take a note from the legend that is Alex Trebek. Create a life that makes you irreplaceable. I hope you’re all doing alright. I hope you’re living your life the way you want to be remembered. I hope you’re being kind and leaving smiles in your wake. And in case you’re curious, I am still very concerned about bucket hats and you should be too. Xx